Don't Kill All The Bugs ...

Continued from here

As I scan the closet, many of the articles of clothing have listening devises. Some have been woven into the cloth. Who ever did this had too much time on their hand. This is overkill.

Jardina come over, looking furious. As she moves to deactivate the devises I give her a negative signal.

“What kind of animals are these, Lt. Cmdr.?” I inquire “I don’t think I have seen anything like them before.”

Jardina glares at me and gives me a WTF look.

“Oh these are Voorpaks. Pets from the south of Naboo. A friend got them for me to remind me of home.” She makes a breaking motion with her hand as she looks towards the closet.

“Oh Pets” I reply “I have never had a pet, no time. What did you name these Voorpaks?” as I finish I lean in extremely close to Jardina’s ear. Surprisingly she does not get irritated with my invasion of her personal space. She must be pissed.

I whisper in the quietest of voices “if we deactivate them like this, whoever placed the bugs will know that you found them. We must create a distraction.”

Her voice is calm, but her eyes shine with fury, “I named one Edee and the other Bodooka. I sure you know the Mando translation for Edee, but Bodooka means ‘energy ball’ in Gunan. …”

I continue to whisper “If we can create a EMP pulse on the five surrounding floors, it would fry the devises. You main equipment should be safe due to its shielding …” the smell of her skin washes over me. I fight the feelings I am having.

“The names match their personalities …*whispers* how …and I like having the reminder of home here.” Jardina continues

*still whispering* “slice into the buildings computer, overload the power converters on floor above this, mask the slice with a Separatist signature …” I feel the heat coming off her. The warmth touches the side of my face. “These etyc aru’e * won’t know they have been found out and building security will be increased” I draw my head back. I hadn’t been that close to here since we sparred.

“It is always nice to have reminders of home, Lt. Cmdr.” I say. My brain is swimming. I work to quiet the turmoil in my head and hope Jardina puts it down to nervousness over the devises we have found. Her temper is high right now and I hope she may have not noticed anything out of the ordinary.

“Lt. Cmdr. Did you want me to help install the replacement parts?” I ask


*Mando: wicked cowards

Read from the Lt. Cmdr’s view

LGS: The Last Gladiator Standing Week in Review

Head over to the Last Gladiator Standing reality show to hear about AOC secret admirer and possible date.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Also if you haven’t done so you can see how the last challenge went.

Questions, Concerns and a Call

Continued from here


How did I know his thoughts would turn to Cmdr. Andros.

"The Lt. Cmdr works with lot of Naval Officer I don't know. I am not sure if I have met a Cmdr. Andros before. But as to her temper about the job, Lt. Cmdr. Oneida has mentioned missing Naboo. The Naval bureaucracy has a different style than the Naboo Security Forces and I think that is vexing at times. I think overall the Lt. Cmdr. enjoys her job, more so when the job is off Coruscant."

I have many questions I want to ask, but hold my thoughts to myself.

"She prefers when she's *not* on Coruscant?" he asks. He frowns, then adds, "Listen, Tak, I'm sure you know that Jardena is my girlfriend. Without getting too specific, some weird things have happened recently and I'm concerned. Have you noticed anyone she works with or anyone she knows... hanging around her excessively, or crossing the line in some way? You see, someone is stalking her indirectly. I'd do anything to protect her, so if you've seen anything, or you know anything, I'd like to know."

Moteé is shooting better. Not great, but much better. I run through some more techniques she that will help. She seems a little apprehensive with me, but I am used this happening. Clones tend to cause some unease with the public.

As I walk back to Captain Typho, my com link beeps… It's a message from Lt. Cmdr Oneida. I put the message on Audio only and have it piped to my helmet… My face remains placid as I listen to the message.

"Captain Typho," I begin, "I have been called away for the rest of the afternoon. I will have another range master take over right away. If Moteé needs any further assistance this week, I will be willing to work with her."

The Captain looks quizzically at me.

I lower my voice. "As for your other issue, I have not noticed anyone on base acting out of line. If I have any concerns or see anything out of the ordinary I will contact you."

I bring my voice back to it normal level. "Good luck on the bet with the Corellians."

I head back to base to change out of my armor.


See Captain Tyhpo’s view here

The story continued here for TK 266 and here for Lt.Cmdr Oneida

Typho, Bad Breathing & Some Questions

Continued from here

"Not a problem, Captain. I'll have them changed in a few minutes." I contact the range center and request the target change. I ask for a mix of Battle Droids and Droideka. This should be something little more familiar for the Naboo.

"Captain, did you want me to work with Wrora and Moteé to help bring them up to spec or take the other troops to the firing range?" I asked as the targets began to become droids.

Captain Typho looks at me for a moment. "I'll work with you to help them," he says. "I assume you have some subordinate that can go on with the others to the qualifying range? If so, you and I can stay here and focus on these two. Lt. Dysar will take charge of my team over there."

"I would prefer to work you to help Wrora and Moteé, Captain." I contacted the range center. "This is TK 266. Send EK 1994 down to range six. Have him contact Lt. Dysar of the Naboo security force and assist with range duty. TK 266 out. I am at your disposal Captain.

We start from scratch with Wrora and Moteé, emphasizing posture for Wrora and breathing for Moteé. Once again we send them to the line to try to get past the calibration stage of today's task.

"So, you work with Lt. Cmdr. Oneida?" he asks. "How long have you served with her? Since she was stationed here on Coruscant, or further back?"

I look at Moteé's shooting. "Captain, no offence, but Moteé breaths like a Gundark in heat. I think we are going to have to work a lot more with her."

I see Captain Typho's eyebrow rise ever so slightly. I guess he won't be thrown off so easily. I have to remember to work more on my small talk skills.

The Captain says nothing as we watch Moteé. His eye looks towards me again.

"I met Lt. Cmdr. Oneida five months after the Battle of Geonosis," I say. "I don't know how long she had been on Coruscant. All I knew was she was given a high security clearance and the power to pick the troopers she wanted. I can't talk about our missions, but I have served as an escort for her on and off for the last 13 months."

I hope that is enough to satisfy his curiosity. I call to Moteé to stop shooting and run through some more breathing exercises, focusing on pulling the trigger on the held breath or the exhale, at the very least.

"Moteé is one of our newer handmaidens, so she was chosen first because of her looks, second because of her fighting skills," he says. "A more experienced handmaiden was recently let go."

He pauses, and then says, "So, you've worked with Lt. Cmdr. Oneida for over a year. That's a long time. I realize that you can't talk specifically about your missions, of course, but does she work with Cmdr. Andros often? In general... does she seem to enjoy her work?"


To be continues

Read Captain Typho’s view here

Range Duty with the Naboo

Earlier in the day before the Lt. Cmdr’s call.

I have been assigned range duty for the week. I will be training non-clones in the use of several weapons of the G.A.R. As I review the week's rooster I notice that the Naboo Security office will be sending over a contingent, including the head of Security Captain Typho.

Well, this should make for an interesting morning.

I had requested a supply officer show up early so I could look over the weapons and to work with me on prepping the range. I was a little surprised when the Captain showed up.

"TK 266, Sir. I'll be your range master today," I snapped "I was expecting your supply officer, though."

"I was up and decided she could use a sleep in," the captain smiled. He looked tired and a little distracted. "Well, let's get started then."

I inform Captain Typho that there is a dispenser with Naboo caf for him and his personnel. He perks up and heads over the get a mug.

After finishing his caf Captain Typho tells me about a small wager he has with the Corellians. I smile and say we would make sure his men would get any extra help they wanted. The Corellians annoy me, though I am not supposed to think that.

"Do you have another name, TK 266? I think a friend of mine mentioned you're called TAK. Would you mind if I use that name?" the captain asked little uneasily.

Just as uneasily I told him it would be okay.

For the next two hours we spend the time making sure there is enough ammo breaking down each weapon twice, cleaning them, checking the sights and accuracy and making sure all safety measures are in place.

Captain Typho asked me not to change the sight setting. I was a little confused at first because each weapon was a little different. He looked at me sternly and told me his soldiers were not "built to spec," while tapping his eye patch.

That actually got a small laugh from me. He seems like a solider I could get to like. Very different from the person I watched on *Big Brother: Naboo.* He does seem a little distracted though.

The rest of the Naboo show up on time, much different from the Corellians.
An excellent way to start the program in my book.

I begin the instruction. "Today you will be learning to use the DC-15A Blaster Rifle and the DC-15S Blaster Carbine. While these weapons do not have the grace or style of the standard Naboo weapon, you will see they have greater fire power and much better stopping power. Some of you have Special Forces training and will work with the DC-17m. The DC-17m is a versatile weapon that can be used as a standard blaster, sniper rifle, or an anti-armor weapon..."

I continue the rest of the lesson on auto-pilot, observing Captain Typho whose mind seems somewhere else.

After the lecture, the groups learns how to field strip the weapons and by the mid morning they are on the firing range. Two of the Nabooan are having trouble on the sighting range.

Captain Typho comes up to me during the firing range exercise. "I've got a few team members who need some extra help," He started "I'd like to change the targets."

"Could we replace that outline with one of a battle droid? They might be more comfortable with this. We do things a little differently on Naboo."


To be continues

Read Captain Typho’s view here

The Lt. Cmdr. Calls An Exterminator

I am on the Range with the Naboo Security Force when my come link goes off, informing me of an incoming message. I check the message. It is from the Lt. Cmdr

"TK266, this is Lt. Cmdr Oneida, I need you to find a EO1988 as well as a JS22 replacement part for the local command post. I only need one right now. Thanks. Let me know when you can do that."

Something is up. The Lt. Cmdr usually goes out of her way to call me Tak. By asking for the E01988 and JS22 parts, I knew something big was up.

I excuse my self from the Naboo Security Chief, Captain Typho and make my way to the Lt. Cmdr’s office.

The Day Watch officer inquires what I am doing, since I have range duty. I show him the message and he let me by with a mutter comment about “pampered Navy staff”.

Once in the office I find the two small pieces of equipment the Lt. Cmdr requested. Both are used for ultra-sensitive listening devises. The items are not usually removed from base with out formal authorization. I hide the items in my boots and grab a E01988 and JS22 replacement parts.

I call the Lt. Cmdr from the com station in her office and leave a message.

“Lt. Cmdr Oneida, I have retrieved the E01998 and the JS22 parts you requested. I will sign out with the duty officer and deliver the parts within the hour. TK266 out.”

I see the duty office and head out in to the city. I am nervous, but not because I am carrying contraband. I want to know why the Lt. Cmdr needs these items.

I nodded to the Lt. Cmdr. put the replacement parts on the table. I pulled the two bug sweepers out of my boots and tossed one to the Lt. Cmdr.

“How was your morning Lt. Cmdr?” I said in a neutral voice. I began scanning the room. You would not believe the morning I had. No offence, but some of your fellow Nabooan just don’t know their weapons. One guy kept calling the DS-15A the DS 15-D. I me come on they are as different as night and day” I give a little laugh

I continue to scan, while trying to read Oneida’s reaction. She is focused on the scanning, but gives me a hand signal to continue.

“Captain Cordilia got me confused with E775, again. And you know how funny He and I think that is. Captain Cordila has worked with us for 7 months now and still can’t tell us apart.”

As I continue my sweep, I pass the bedroom. I try not to pause, but I do notice that there is bedding in the closet. Damm, Jardina must really be spooked.

Jardina listened to me prattle on about inanities of recent base life, as we continued to scan the room. She says something about confused officer and Sullustans.

I chuckled lightly at her comment. She put down her scanner and wrote a note and held it up. Her frustration was high as I read the note:

‘I know there is something in here, I just don't know what. Doesn't appear on normal scanners. Gran? Tethian? New Tech possibly?

And why the *%@#!!! is it in my apartment?'

In a calms voice she asks me if I would like a drink.

My scanner detected something. It was a listen devise, no visual. I motioned to Jardina: two fingers to my eye and a negative head shake a tap to my ear with a positive nod. Then another appeared and another. As I made my way closer to her room several more pop up on the scanner. This was a lot more than I expected to find. I held up five fingers.

“Yes, Lt. Cmdr. I would appreciate a drink. I’ll just have water, though.”

I pinpoint the first devise, a wafer thing painted into the wall. Well that was cleverer then what I would have done.

As I took the glass of water from Jardina, the sensor lights up again.

“I had range duty today, Lt. Cmdr. I helped the Naboo security force become accustomed to G.A.R. weaponry. We are working with many of the senate security forces to bring them up to speed. I meet Captain Typho, your friend from Big Brother:Naboo. He is an excellent solider.”

I show the scanner to Jardina and point to her military ID. I continue to scan her clothing.

I point to the bedroom closet and make my way into the room. The voorpaks scamper away as I cross the room. Jardina stands at the door, looking angrier by the minute.


Read from Lt. Cmdr. Oneida’s view here.

To Be Continued

Rebel Scum Think They Are So Cool.

We hear a lot about how great the rebal alliance flyers are at kicking the Empire hinney. This is how they want you to think of them.



Or like this



But put them in a slightly diffrent sistuation and who knows what can go wrong.



Is that Wedge?

LGS: Mirror, Mirror

A mirror universe. What an interesting conundrum this will pose.What will a opposite version of me be like?

I have always thought of we clones as neutral; following order, never thinking of the cause or consequences of our action. All those decisions are made by other and we just march to the beat we are given.


Click here to find out the rest of the story.

Corellian Special Forces vs. G.A.R. Trooper

I had been assigned to travel with two Corellians Special forces personel on a shuttle back to their ship.

Being that it was going to be a long flight, the Corellians took off their boots and stretched out. I was invited to do the same.

Just after take-off, one of the Corellinans said, "I think I'll get up and get a Jawa-Juice."

"No problem," I offered, trying to get on their good side, "I'll get it for you." While I was gone, the Corellian picked up my boot and spit in it.

When I returned with the Jawa-Juice, the other Corellian said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, I obligingly went to fetch it and while I was gone, the second Corellian picked up the other boot and spit in it.

I returned and we all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the flight.

As the shuttle was landing, I slipped my feet into my boots and knew immediately what had happened. The Corellians began to chuckle.

"How long must this go on?" I asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and peeing in Jawa-Juice?"

When a Captain Holo at You.

I am working the night shift on guard duty. Much of the garrison is off on maneuvers, so the base is quite. As my duties take me by the communication center, my com link beeps.

The image of a Republic Navel Officer appears on the Holo. It is Captain Susan Lern.

“I am soooo bored here to night. I wish I could see you. The base is almost deserted and I keep thinking of all the things I would love to do to you. If you were here right now I would push you back on my desk …”

In the Holo she is twirling her hair and smiling devilishly. I begin to feel warm.

“… then I would take off your boots ….”

Oh man, is there something wrong with the air coolant system in here.

“… I’d pour chocolate syrup all over your ….”

OK, this is too much. I head over to Captain Lern’s office and knock on the door.

“Enter” a brisk businesslike voice calls.

As I enter the office I the Captain smiles at me and asks “What can I do for you, Trooper.”



I begin to play her Holo message without sound.

“First Captain, I would like to thank you for the best message I have received on duty, ever!”

She looks a little confused.

“And second, you really need to learn the diffrence between the SEND and the SEND ALL button.”

A Trip to the Museum

On a recent day off, I was touring the Coruscant Museum and came across a strange display. It looked like a Hyper-Spanner that had been destroyed. Intrigued, I read the card.

“The C.S.S Titanica was the largest luxury ship of it day. It was a mighty cruise ship, set to sail the inky blackness of space.



The first voyage of the immense vessel was almost 1,000 years ago. Thousands of people on board - mostly the rich and famous, and of course, a large crew to cater for their every need.

As the ship set off, no-one realized that her fate was just around the corner.

She flew around the galaxy, visiting several resort planets, before heading towards her last solar system. As she arrived, everyone found themselves looking in horror as the star exploded in front of their eyes - a supernova.

Of course, everyone was killed, and although search parties spent several years looking, nothing was ever found of the great ship, except for a single twisted, half-molten chunk of metal that had come from the toolkit of one of the ship's engineers.

This tool is the only remains of the once mighty ship.”



I just stood there in awe of the “Star-Mangled Spanner”.

And you thought it could not get any worse.

LGS: Tak gets a strange phone call

After my disastrous night out on the town with The Henchman, I am nursing a Death Star sized hangover.

…

Go here to find out more!

Know When To Fold Them...

The famous Hutt singer, Kin Knee Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour vehicle on their way to a concert in Mos Eisley, when they get a flat tire.



The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened down.

Shortly thereafter, as the vehicle goes around a curve on a twisty mountain in the Dune Sea, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.

Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie", who is also a Rodian. He happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.

The Rodian is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by Imperial Troopers, and one asks him if Kin Knee Rogers had said any last words?

"Yes," said the young Rodian, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing......







"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel!!!"


Jon: The puns will continue until you agree to be in the squeal of "JoJo the Monkeyboy: The Movie"

History Lesson With a Moral.

Being raised on Kamino, we were given many history lessons from all over the Galaxy. I was never sure how most of them would help us be warriors. Here is one such tale that took place on Alderaan many millenniums ago

Once, long ago, an Alderannian king summoned all his provincial rulers to his palace. He was in a rather belligerent mood, and wanted to scare them into giving him extra taxes.



Unknown to him, the nobles, mostly Dukes and Counts met in secret on the way, and decided that they should agree to pay the extra, but they would at first pretend to refuse, so they could try to bargain down the actual amount extra they would have to pay.

They arrived at the king's castle, and gathered in the audience chamber. The king made his demands, and as agreed, they started to refuse.

Unfortunately, they hadn't realized just how belligerent the king's mood was: as soon as they started to refuse, he got angry, and ordered his guards to kill them on the spot.



More than half of them were slain before they even realized what was happening, and the others had to do some very quick groveling to survive.

After everything had settled down, those who remained explained to the king their plan, and the king was filled with remorse for his hasty actions.

The moral of the story?




Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken!

LGS: Tour Guide to the Slobs

Check out my adventure as a tour guide over at Last Gladiator Standing.

Here

A Trip To A Bookstore

Lord Vader made me come with him to the bookstore. He was acting all strange after we gave him a report about some cocky fighter pilot who was bragging about blowing up the Death Star.

When he was not looking I snapped this photo of him on my com link camera.



What can it mean?

OOC post - My summer ride

Ok. I gave in and took one of the "what are you test" and this is what it said.

Your Summer Ride is a Jeep

For you, summer is all about having no responsibilities.You prefer to hang with old friends - and make some new ones.

What's" Your Summer Ride?

This was funny and great because it is my summer ride. Only diffrence, my Wranger is green. Just took the top off this week.

OK, I'll go back to AOC now. :)

Problems with Copies of Copies of Copies

Wedge is always going on about why the Imperial Forces were finally overcome by a rag-tag group of rebels. He thinks it because the rebel scum had more heart, but that is just BS. We’ve got heart. I know ... I have seem them blown out of several troopers.

I say it was because Vader wimped out and got all “I’m Your Daddy” and junk. But I also think that there were some problems in making of later clones.

Take a look at this lot make late in the Empire period. No consistency in looks, height, and grooming.





I think lord Vader is just a little disappointed in this lot. Or he is thinking about cutting in line for coffee.

Crowd Control

“Trooper, come here!” the Republic officer calls to me.

“Yes sir, what do you need?” I reply

“How much crowd control training have you received?” he asked.

“Standard training, Sir. My unit has been trained in riot control, how to deal with unruly crowds on hostile worlds, general policing and non-violent mob disbursement techniques”

“Good, Good. Gather two other troopers and report to this location immediately. This is a very important assignment involving keeping an unruly group in line for the next few hours.”

I gather the other troopers and we make our way to the location. It is worse then we could have ever imagined. For the next four hour we are constantly keeping order in lines, calming frayed nerves, stopping the group from entering unauthorized areas and answering the hundreds and hundreds of question they kept pelting us with.

I have never been so exhausted after a mission.








We got a photo at the end of the day.



Guess which one was the officer’s kid.

A Visit to an Office

Continued from here


I cling to the side of the building as the wind whips past me, almost pushing me over the edge. I used a maintenance droid the make it to this narrow ledge. I regain my footing and calm my breathing.

Using a disruptive energy beam devise I bypass the window security measures. I then refocus the beam to push the particles in the glass apart enough to step into the room. I move slowly into the room allowing my scanner to locate and identify any security devises in the room. I am wearing a skin tight environ-suit that matches my temperature to the room, as not to set off the known heat sensor.

The scanner reports a motion sensor. It is set to record anything moving faster then 2 cm per second. That will take me 7 minutes to reach the com station. Once there I can override the security system and put it on a loop, just as I have been taught by the Lt. Cmdr.

I sigh.

This is not what I should be doing. I am a solider, not a spy. Heck, I’m not even supposed to know how to slice this good. I am bothered that Captain Bray chose me for this assignment. But if this is what it takes to expose the Malstereian so be it. Plus what’s that old saying “It's an ill wind that doesn't blow some good.” I may not have to deal with Senator Ask Aak if the right people find out and who know what other benefits may come my way.

After what seems like the longest 8 minutes of my life, I make it too the com station. Using a copied ID, I “readjust” the room security settings. I write a quick sub-routine that will reset the system and erase any trace of my intrusion in the system.

I am not worried about the security officer who works out of this office coming into the building. Everything is going according to plan. He and his “date” should be finishing dinner. After that a little show and then the “date” will show him a good time. With the slightest amount of luck he will never know I was here.

Once in the security system I find the files I am looking for pretty quick. I have accesses the system remotely once before, but was only able to look at the top files. I scroll through the list of files: Mygeeto - nope, Mylok - no, Myomar - don’t care yet, Myrkr - no, Mytus - no , Naboo – here we are.

I scan the files. I read a basic background on Captain Dante Typho, formally of the Naboo home security forces, yada yada yada, now head of Senatorial security … Ah here it is: After the subject recent stint on Big Brother Naboo we have indications that the subject is in a dating and/or intimate relationship with Lt. Commander Jardena Ranne Oneida, also a former security officer (see file N: 329457) The subject has shown some signs of jealousy on several occasions. The subject and N:329457 have had a relationship in the past. Cause of separation undetermined. It is felt by command the subject may be a security risk. Continue to watch.

The rest of the file detailing survalance is closed to the security code I have. I contiplate tring to slice into the file, but the Lt. Cmdr’s words come back to me: “Never swim deeper that you can hold your breath.”

I change the file slightly. Then close it. Next I run a com-link trace to a termnial at the Jedi Termple. I then cover up the link with a Malstereian method, but leave a faint trace to this center. I do the same again, but this time to a com-station in the Nabooian security office, again leaving the faintest of trace back to this terminal. The bounce around I do to the signal should take at least a week to trace, if the person knows what they are doing.

I begin to run my sub-routine, clear any trace from the com-station, make my way back to the window, step outside and breathe freely for a moment. I use the maintenance droid to get me back to ground level, send a quick minute wiping it memory for the last hour.

I make my way back to base and wait to see the consequences of my actions.

LGS: No Laughing Matter

My latest challenge on Last Gladiator Standing.


How to make Fluke laugh? I had to discern what I know of the man and play up his humor weakness.

Due to his short attention span, I knew the jokes had to be simple. Can’t make them too complicated or he will just give me that blank stare.


Read the rest here

A Little Free Time

With a few minutes of free time I decide to scan the Holonet. I don’t watch a lot of the regular show, so I scan CBS (Clone Being Stupid) channel. I look over some of the programs.

Home A Clone: The wacky adventures of the Batch 3s. No, get enough of that at work.



A Music Video by the Kamino singing star, Tiff I Nee: I Think We Can Clone Now! I dislike beings that do concerts in the Mall.



Then I see the latest in the "Pimp My …" series: Pimp My Clone.





Now I remember why I don’t watch the Holonet to often.

Tagged by The Henchman

I got tagged!!! Like I am not busy enough with secrete missions and all my work on Last Gladiator Standing. Oh well, on to the tagged stuff.


1. Other than yourself pick the contestant that remains in Last Gladiator Standing you think will win? Professor X, he is one of the most creative writers.

2. What's your favorite color of Pink? Day-Glo Pink, painted on droids I am sniping.

3.What's your favorite episode of Golden Girls? The one where Blossom first gets her visit from "Aunt Flo" and become a crack addict.

4. If you were Anna Nicole Smith, what would you do with your child? Grow old real fast, like on a soap opera, date her and end up on Jerry Springer.

5. How many figures am I holding up? 379, if I count the one sticking out of your under-roos.

Decipher this code: *66hsther;o adthaodf stop. Deadpool had a brain aneurysm for breakfast.

7. What's wrong with this Meme? It was sent to a Galaxy a long time ago and a far far away.

8. Create your own question and answer it. Why was Howard the Duck ever made into a movie? Because someone thought a horny space duck with a thing for Earth chick was a good Idea: see deciphered code.

9. What's your wrestler name? The Mighty Tightly Whitey. (sponsored by Crest toothpaste)

10. Do you have a man crush on Luke Cage? No.

12. Are you the weakest link? Don’t know, Don’t care

13. Are you prepared for the Dalek invasion over here? I am prepared for anything that looks like a erotic toy used by Tammy Faye Baker and is pronounced Day Lick.

14. Switch lives with one blogger for a year? Fluke Starbucker, cuz he lives in Florida (I think)

15. Who has the best sidekick in LGS? Gaia: Fred the Fox is way cool. (don’t tell him I said that)

16. If you watched the season finale of Doctor Who, what did you think? I did not see the season finale, Rats!

17. Do you know who Lookwell! is? Adam West played him for a TV pilot, back in the early 90’s

18. Tag 3 people you wouldn't share socks with(except Henchmen): Gyrobot, Jaba Fatboy, and HotStuff (none of them have feet or feet my size)


P.S. this is post 66. I don't know why, but I feel I must smack a Jedi. Strange

LGS: How To Find A Sidekick

Cool!!! I get to choose a side kick. This should be great. I never get a sidekick; we always just have other clones. While I am thinking about how great it will be to have a side kick most of the other contestants run over to the Sidekick’s hangout room. I better get over there before all the good ones are taken.



Click here to see how I won this round.

Mission Report

I am traveling thought the financial district on Coruscant in disguise again. I am using a Dantooine trader ID. I enter one of the hundreds of non-descript building in the area and head to the offices of Kr’s Trading Association.

At the door I have to have a quick bio-metric scan. This is one of the stupider security devises I have seen. I am clone. I look like almost 5 billion other clones. I use my false ID and the door opens. I walk thought the empty reception room to one of the small offices.

The person in the room has his back to me as I enter. He stop working on the computer turns to me and say “Take a seat Alpha 20397, we have much to go over since your last report.”

“Yes, Captain Bray.” I reply curtly. Bray was one of the clone troopers that were moving up the ranks quickly. He was efficient, loyal and very smart. I felt he was also overconfident at time. I am sure he will go far in the Grand Army of the Republic (G.A.R), as long as he never loses his head over his gains in power.

“Give me your report, Trooper. I don’t have all day.” Bray barked. This was one of his traits, calling everyone by generic title. This was his way of showing that he, and those clone like him, were special, while the rest of us are fodder for the war. I let it slide off me and begin my report.

“The observation of the Malastareian delegation has shown that they do have an extensive spy network on Coruscant. Their main focus seems to be the Nabooians. The Gran seem to have taken serious offence with them since the invasion of Naboo. I was able to access several of the delegations com terminals, including used by a security officer.”

“And how did you manage that.” Bray broke in.

“The Malastareian, like many of the groups we are assigned to guard or escort, quickly forget clones are sentient being. They act as if we are not there and let slip many items they shouldn’t. The security officer accessed his com station while I was in the room and lost his security ID in a transport once. I copied it and then dropped it into Senator Ask Aak’s diplomatic pouch.” I replied

“Interesting. Some how in reviewing your record I didn’t see advanced Com slicing. Have you been picking up new skills from that so called Lt. Cmdr?” Bray inquired

“I was trained by G.A.R techs after the battle of Geonosis, I’m sure it’s in my record. But yes Lt. Cmdr Oneida has been training some troopers with a background in Com slicing. I am not sure what this has to do with my mission?”

“Ah Yes, the mission. Continue.”

“The spy network the Malastareian have put together is gathering information on many of the other senators. They have been quite successful in turning member of security details.”

“The security personal? That is interesting. How are they turning them?”

“The usual way; bribery, intimidation, blackmail. In some cases they have created conflicts within delegations to weaken the resolve of the intended target. A very multifarious operation. I could have obtained the entire list of compromised subjects and detailed reports of what information has been gathered.”

For the first time Bray shows sign of agitation, “But you did not do that Right! Your orders were clear. G.A.R. personnel are not to be implicated in any way. If you are found out, you will be terminated.” Bray glares at me

“I understand fully, Captain Bray.” I reply. “I know the Malastareian need to be found out by another source. I am developing a plan. Do you want to hear it?”

Bray stares at me for a moment. “No, I don’t think I do. But it better work Trooper. And don’t ask for help from the troopers you work with. Do you understand ?"

“Yes,…”

“And be damm sure you don’t ask for help from that utreekov al’verde* of yours!”

Now it is my turn to feel slightly agitated. “Yes, Sir! I swear I will not ask anyone for help in this matter” I spit out.

“You’re dismissed. Contact me to meet again after your plan is in motion and you are sure of success. Fail me, and you will die.”

I get up to leave and look at Captain Bray. “I will not fail the G.A.R.”

__________________________________________________________

To be continued

* Mandalorian for “stupid commander’

Ask Aak is Running for Reelection

I have been derelict in my duties of letting the general public know what has been going on the Clone Trooper world lately. I am sorry, but Senator Ask Aak is up for reelection and I have been assigned guard duty to this fool once again. I am sure you have caught much of the campaign on the Holo-net or have received one of the 300 Holo-messages sent to your com-link over the past 72 hours.

We are making campaign stops all over the galaxy and I am very busy. Strange thing is the Senator is up for reelection on Malastare, so I have no idea why we had to make trips to Naboo, Dantooine and Dagobah. On Dagobah he even asked a snake if it was supporting him. When the snake didn’t answer he got in an argument with it ….AND lost. Now you didn’t see that on The FAUX News Network.

The worst thing is Senator Ask Aak stump speech attacking his opponent. Let me just give you some of his best smear lines.

“My opponent says he is a Gran of the people. How can that be when everywhere he travels he is surrounded by Yes-men and security personal who never let the real people near him.”

“That other guy smells really bad. I believe it is the smell of corruption. It smell like money, but only dirtier.”

“My health care plan cover vision for all three eyes. My opponent only want you to wear bi-focals.”

“In his time in the Senate my opponent let the Trade Federation invade Naboo *aid whispers in his ear* Uhh scratch that last comment that was some other Gran, who is a mighty fine fellow I might add.”

You get the idea. Strangest thing is I tried to Hooogle™ (a Holo-net search engine) Senator Ask Aak's opponent to see who was this villainous Gran. Turns out Senator Ask Aak is running unopposed.

What a rube. Hopefully I’ll be done with this duty soon and be back to normal clone life.

Pretty Fly for a Clone Guy

Dark Jedi Kriss gives TAK the Annie Leibovitz treatment. Stop on by and see how it went.

Click Here.

Just Wanted Coffee

All I wanted was a quick cup of Java to go from Dex’s Diner.

Instead I walk in to a full blown customer hissy-fit.

“Hans did not shoot first!! Damm you and your lying ways”

“Of course he shot first. He was a scoundrel you know!”

“You’ll eat those words!!!”

“Ahhhhh! Run away”







So off to work with no coffee. Dang this eternal war.

LGS: An Eating Contest

An eating contest. This will be no problem. I have eaten just about every disgusting item in my home Galaxy: Grand Army of the Republic MREs, Dewback Dung Beetles, Kashyyyk Tree Slugs, Tauntaun Intestine Stew and once Anakin Skywaker even gave me left-overs of a meal that Senator Amidala had made.

Click here to read more.

Growing Up A Clone

Growing up on Kamino was a hard life. All of the clones had to have training and education for 12 hours a day. With 45 minutes for meals and 8 hours of sleep there was very little time to explore our environment.

The enclosures the clones lived in had glass wall so the Kaminoian could watch the clones at all times.

Once, while I had a little free time, I explored part of the Topica City where the Kaminoian lived. Their home were made of steel and had no windows.

I asked Taun We “Why are you houses so different from where I live?”



“That is easy to explained.” Taun We said soothingly, “Galactic law states: People in glass houses shouldn't grow clones.”

Tak's Caption Contest

Once again it is time for Tak’s caption contest. I’ll start.


The Clone troopers tried unsuccessfully to make Captain Typho feel comfortable around them.

Lost

On a mission to Tatooine to help break up a Sand People rebellion, TD 199 and I got separated from the other troopers.

We ended up being lost for days without food and were getting weaker by the day.

As we stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, we suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a small tree off in the distance.

As we get closer, we could see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. And the smell... oh, the glorious smell!"

"Look, TD 199," I say. "It's a bacon tree!"

"You're right!" says TD 199, "We're saved!"

TD 199 didn’t wait another second. He ran up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But just as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of Tusken Raider’s gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

I quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying TD 199. "TD 199!! What in the name of the Force happened?"

And with his dying breath TD 199 calls back: "Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree after all..."



"...its a ham bush!"

LGS: Hover Bike Race

TAK"S LASTEST ADVENTURE ON LGS.

This should be easy, these Hover Bike look a lot like a B.A.R.C speeder. I run and leap onto the bike in one smooth motion. OUFFFFFF! Seats are a little harder that what I’m used to. It Ok. I’m sure they'll drop back down.

Click Here to read more.

Tea Hunt

I had an easy mission with General Kenobi. We were to go to Dantooine on a diplomatic mission. The mission it self was easy. The hard part was keeping up with Kenobi and his fascination with trying different teas. He had picked up this habit from Qui-Gon, who had learned it from his Master, Count Dooku.

We were told there was a man, who lived in the remote town of Mercy in on Dantooine who was considered by all to be one of the system’s foremost authority on tea. This man also was reported to have developed the most fantastic tasting tea anywhere in the galaxy.

Kenobi scoffed at the idea, thinking that no tea came out of the remote provinces, because there was no way to grow it in such a dry region. We were informed that the tea was not grown but was brewed from the fur of a creature called a Kolo.

We hired a guide to take us deep into the remote region of Dantooine. Once in the town, we found the only cantina, and ordered a cup of the mysterious beverage.

The cup was placed before him. General Kenobi spent many moments noting the color, the aroma, and the viscosity. He took a small sip. It was good! He then followed with a big mouthful, and was suddenly gagging and spitting, clutching at his mouth.

"What is this?" he exclaimed, holding up a handful of what appeared to be short, coarse threads.

"Oh, that's Kolo fur," replied the bartender.

"You mean to tell me that you don't strain out the fur?" asked Kenobi, incredulous.

"Of course not," replied the bartender, "The Kolo tea of Mercy is never strained!"

Maintenance Bay

I had to take one of the squad’s vehicles over the maintenance bay to have it worked.

After explaining the problem to the maintenance droids, I decided to hang out and look around. Since I don’t have strong repair skills, I begin to review tech schematics for the various different vehicles.

The maintenance bay Com link buzzes and I answer with out thinking. “Hello, can I help you.”

The voice on the other end says haughty. “I need to see if my speeder is ready for pick up.”

“Uhhh…Which one is yours?” I stammer as I look around the bay.

"It’s not a hard question, you moron. Is it ready or not? It’s the light blue T-75 speeder”

“Hey, that sound like the same type that blow-hard wind-bag Senator Aak Ask drives” I say off the top of my head.

There is silence on the other end then the now angry voice says, "Do you know who this is?"

"No."

The voice said, "This is Senator Aak Ask!"

Dead silence for about 5 seconds.

I then asked, "Do you know who this is?"

Senator Aak Ask replies, "No."

I smile, "Well then, goodbye you blow-hard wind-bag!!" and I hang up.

New Mission

I hate doing off the book missions. This is so far off the reservation I don’t know what will happen if I get caught. Court marshaled? Killed? Disowned by friends? It worries me greatly, but I am sure this is something I have to do. And I have to make sure no one can trace this operation.

I head to the laundry, pick up some of the civilian clothing we are allowed to wear when we leave base. No one see me. That is good.

I next head over to the com stations. I use a modified clone ID. It’s from a trooper who was killed on Geonosis, but no KIA report was ever filed. Even then I knew an item like this would be useful, even if I had no idea for what. I have been slicing into the system to keep “moving” this clone around from base to base. I insert the generic credit chip and transfer funds. This should help.

I duck into an unused room, change into the civvies and head off base. TK266 is safely in the infirmary (according to records and med bots) and G524 is heading out into greater Coruscant for a little R&R.

Once in the CoCo district, I find an out of the way, but busy, cantina. I make my way to the bathroom. Once it is clear, I jump in a stall and begin to apply a disguise. I lighten my hair, darken my skin, put in the colored contacts, and place small cloth rolls in my cheeks to change my face line. I no longer look quite so clonish.

I head back out to the cantina, find a Duro who trades me real credits for my credits chip, minus 30%.

As evening falls I have collected all I need for the riskiest part of the mission. I make my way towards the Jedi archives. A few blocks away I duck in an alley and put on my final disguise of the evening.

I head into the Jedi Archives. No one pays any mind to one Jedi in the midst of hundreds. I begin to play Sabacc in my head and run the names of all the Jedi I know. This clears my mind and will prevent the Jedi from sensing me. Not that most of them could in this sea of force users.
I make my way a com station. I slice into the system the way the Lt. Cmdr. has taught me. When I am done there will be no trace I was here. I relay three counterfeit messages, bouncing them through several other com systems on Coruscant. If anyone can trace the messages back, all they will find is a cold lead. I continue keeping my mind clear and head back in the city

Armor issues

OK, some of the ARC troopers have gone too far in customizing their armor.

Not only is it beginning to harm unit discipline, the costs are getting out of hand.

ARC Trooper1465 is seen here begging for credits to upgrade his armor further.

It is a sad day for the GAR.

LGS: First Contest

“So you have programmed the droid with the style I requested?”

Jon looked at me “You mean the Robot…Yes, and I will say again it is a stupid request. I mean come on are you seriously going to do it this way!”

“If you don’t like it, don’t let me do it this way. But I will remind you that it is your lax rules that have given me this option.”

“What are you a lawyer or something, geesh. Yeah you can go through with your very stupid plan.” Jon growled as he went away mutter something under his breath about needing better contestants.

Click here to read more

Dumb Celebration

Ok so we got a little carried away with our bar bet winnings.

Just a word to the wise, never tell the local security forces to “Reach for the sky and kiss my armored cover @$$” when they ask to see you ID for supposedly being drunk in public.

And Lt. Cmdr, Thank you for posting bail. I’ll have your credits to you in a few hours.

LGS: A Few Minor Concerns

Ok the first couple day here have been nice. But I have a few problems I would like to address. ... Click here to read more

Bar Bets

We’re off duty when E775 and I walk in to the Cantina and begins chatting to a couple of Duros. E775 then begins to slowly move his way around the bar making small talk with the scum and villainy occupying the joint.

I walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. As the bartender is getting it I ask, "You wouldn't happen to be a betting man would you?"

To this the bartender asks what I had in mind.

“A game of accuracy and skill, my good barkeep” I respond

The Bartender arches his eye.

“I'll bet you 500 Credits that if you set up a shot glass at one end of the bar, I can go to the other end and pee into the shot glass and not spill a drop."

The bartender, after inspecting his 20 feet of bar, agrees to bet, sure that it cannot be done. He retrieves his smallest shot glass and places it at one end of the bar. I go to the other end, hop up on the bar, and proceed to urinate all over the bar, even hitting the bartender by accident.

"Ha! I win! I give me my 500 credits!" exclaimed the bartender.

"You win, here's your 500 credits," I say with a smile.

As I leaves the credits on the bar and walk away laughing wildly.

The bartender confused ask me “How can you be so happy after losing 500 credit. Why are you still laughing?"

"Because," I say, "I bet everybody in here 1000 credits each that I could pee all over you and your bar and you would let me!

More Q & A With Tak

A guess I opened a can of scalacc with opening up the floor for questions. I will answers another batch. Then like a Senatorial Press Person, I will have to take no more questions for the week.

Captian Berk had a threefer:
1: Does everybody share the same body armour, or do you have your serial number sewn in the back so that you know which is yours?
2: Is it strange looking at yourself every day without needing a mirror?
3: Does one of you try out a hairstyle, then all of you follow if it looks good?

1: What is this thing called “armour”? Is it a cross between defensive plating and romantic love? I am un sure of the question.
2: Not really, you get used to it after 10 years of living with 200,000 of yourselves.
3: Yes, mostly. But we tend to avoid the hair styles of Batch Three. The Rasta Clone look was just weird.


Randy Asked:

Did any of you get to meet Jango Fett before he died?

A few of us saw him around Kamino, but he was not very talkative with us. And when he did he always wanted to give advise on cooking. Strange.

Captian Typho wanted to know:

About Jardena and her CO -- should I be concerned?

*cough…sputter, sputter…cough* I have no idea what your talking about. Is her old CO coming around again? *begins to turn a little red, then deep breathing* I mean, Who?

Darkjedikriss inquired:

Boxers or Briefs?

Commando

Master Yoda asked:

No pockets your armor has. Keep your pocket lint, where do you?

In our bellybuttons, of course.

Fluke wanted to know:

Do you have a belly button?

See Master Yoda question. And before you ask why we have a bellybutton, I would say well you have nipples.

Jon, the Intergalatic Gladiator was curious about:

Septentor's a clone. Could you take Serpentor in a fight?

If he’s that little C.O.B.R.A punk, then yeah I could kick his @ss into a Barbie commercial.

Son Goku asked:

What would happen If I poured Ketchup into a tank where a Clone is developing ( man this is slow Ketchup.)

This:

Gyrobo asked:

Can gravity be cloned?

OK, now you’re just asking silly questions

HMS asked:

Did you know ARC trooper A-98 (or, Nate)? He's the one who got Jango's ex-girlfriend pregnant.

Not that I know of. Wouldn’t Boba gotten a little miffed about that, cuz it’s kinda creepy.

Q & A with TAK

A couple of questions about clones and me have come up recently. I will do my best to answers some of them.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator asked: So reflashing clone brains is just like reflashing the ROM on a chip or something?
Yes, if you have the right equipment you can re-program a clone. Most of the time it re-writes. Some later clones where “hard wired”, like a Mac, and could not be changes at all. And a very few can be given new “programming” with out the danger of re-writing other memories. Just never use Micro-Sith OS version 66.

Local Henchman 432 stated:

Know that if you have any problems with how the Empire is treating you. The Local 432 is there for you.
Thanks for the info, but I think we are a non-union shop.

Happy Masked Saleswomen mentioned:
I mean, we know it can never be...
What could never be? We were just sparing.

Hot stuff asked:
So Lt Cmd is a home-made? I was always told it was the bees and birds that did it ... Hmmm so then what made a clone?
The Kamino stork flew us into the lab and dropped us in clone tanks (by the billions)

J. Solo asked:
So did the Lt. Cmdr give you the name Tak?
Yes. She has the habit of giving personalize names to the troopers she works with. I am afraid it will lead to problems if something happens to one of us. Also I am not sure on why E775 is called Sev.

Thank you for joining me for a quick Q&A. If you have any further questions ask away.

AOC: LGS Arrivial

I am reporting for duty on Last Gladiator Standing.

I not a fancy guy with super power or some great hero. I just a simple clone doing a honest days work.I came on this show to prove that sometime against all odd the little guy (please, no “aren’t you short for a stormtrooper” jokes) can complete and yes, sometime win.
I just want to support and promote peace and justice throughout the Republic and the best way I can do that is by kicking all ya all @ssess over the next several months.

And I am not telling any one what I packed. *hides lil clone rubber ducky*

Oh, can some one send a clone some rules or something. Some of don’t have cable for the Holonet and have never seen a LGS show before.And am I officially on the show? I just talked a lot of smack if I’m not :-).

Mandalorian Style

We had just finished off some joint training maneuvers with the Corellian Special Forces Marines on Tralus in the Corellian system. These thing are more for PR than any real military need. We show up, do several days of training, have a war game with the local and lose to make their Politians feel better.

E775, WK 315. FH 451 and I end up at a local cantina to have a few drinks before we ship out. Just our luck a group of CSF Marines show up. It does not take them long to start in.

“So you guy are some of the famed GAR clones? Funny I though you be taller.”

WK 315 replies “That is a common perception, but I don’t know why.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, solider-in-a-bottle!” growls on Marine

“Yeah’, another one starts in “If I wanted an answer from you I would have written your test tube.”

They all laugh heartily as if the joke was actually funny.

“Ha Ha, that was a good one guys.” I say “Now, if you don’t mind we like to go back to our drinks.” I turn back to our table.

E775 eyes flash a warning to me. I spin in my seat the 7 Marines advancing on us slow down and spread out.

“Well, we do mind!. We don’t like your kind in our places and I think you will be leaving this place…on a Med cart.” The biggest of them barks at us.

“Whoa, Slow big guy. I am sure we can come up with a better way to deal with this problem.”

“How so?” the big guy ask

“I suppose we'll have to settle this Mandalorian -style," I say gravely.

"Mandalorian style?"

"Yes. First I kick you in the nuts, and then you kick me in the nuts. And we keep taking turns until someone gives."

The big Marine looks at his friends, who are egging him on at this point. Seeing he can’t back down and reluctantly agrees.

I take a step back and kicks him square in the balls as hard as I can.

The Marine crumples to the ground, reeling. Minutes pass, and finally he can muster the strength to stand. "Okay," croaks the Marine, "my turn."

"Nah, you can have the cantina to yourselves, we’ll leave."

Works everytime!

Missions and Memories, Final

My comlink blares in my ear. It’s E775 “Call the drop ship Tak and get ready. Were coming out hot!”

I call to the dropship, a Republic Assault Gunboat “This is Mynock 1 calling RAG 7, come in RAG 7”

A voice floats back “Hearing you loud and clear Dancing Mynock. We are on our way to the pick up zone.” Dancing Mynock?!?! I am going to kick the heck out of WK 315 when we get back to base.

I quickly scan the arc of the horizon. Nothing…Wait I see something coming over the plains. It three STAPs and their battle droids moving in fast.

I aim for the head of the middle one, but then drop my aim about 8 cm left of the center of the chest. I shoot and the battle droid explodes, taking out the other 2 with his explosion. I must have hit the motivator.

“How in the heck…?” I think to my self

Then at the cave entrance I see WK 315, W775, FH 451 and the Lt. Cmdr moving like a Rancor was in pursuit. 20 meters outside cave all four turn and drop on the ground. The first 3 Super battle droids are meet will a hail of blaster fire; the next 4 are hit by me. Each of my shots seems to find a weak point on the droids.

Combined we drop about 19 of them. More are pouring out of the cave, including 3 Droideka with shielding.

I slap in the ion round and fire away. One goes down after 4 shots. Before I can get a line on the next a ships blasts over head, begins firing at the droids and comes to a stop a meter from the Lt. Cmdr’s team.

The ship and I provide cover fire. The ship turns and flies towards me, firing at the remaining droids.

I scramble aboard, moving as fast as my stiff legs can carry me. WK 315 and FH 451 grab my hands and pull me aboard. I lie on the deck panting.

We rocket toward space. Whatever happens now it, it’s up to the pilots.

The Lt. Cmdr yells at me over the whine of the engines “Damm Tak, I thought you were going to be a D.I.P. (die in place) unit for a moment there.”

I glance up at the team with a smile, “What happened to going in silent and keeping it that way”

A cacophony of voice breaks out. Best I can tell from the next five minutes of good natured shouting, finger pointing and blame laying is that FH 451 fire his weapon by accident shortly after the Lt. Cmdr had hacked the system and covered her tracks.

They spent the better part to of the last fourteen hours either hiding out or in running gun battles with droid units. I am reminded often that I had the easy job and must have enjoyed my nap time. I let them give me a hard time, because I am pleased they all survived. (Not that I let them know that.)

“So I see up upgrade worked on you” the Lt. Cmdr say. “I loaded the most recent schematic on as many different battle droids as I could find. Not bad if I do say so myself.” I think that may be the smuggest smile I have seen in quite a while.

“So that is why you wanted me as sniper?” I ask. I don’t like the phrase upgrade, make me sound like a droid.

“Yeah, that and I was tired of looking at your mug’ she says with a laugh

WK 315 pipes up, “But we all look the same, how could you…Oh, that was another of your jokes…right, it was joke.”

We all just sit back and enjoying being alive.

Epilogue

We are back on the star cruiser heading to Coruscant. We should be back to base in 18 hours. It’s about 0200 and I am in the officer’s rec room. No one is here right now, which is a blessing.

I am franticly painting a picture. It is almost done and it is not bad. I recognize the style as Nabooian and know who is to blame for my new found “talent”.

“Oh no Tak, I won’t doing any thing like the dancing thing again...Of course Tak, it’s only something to help you in battle.”

Oh well, payback will be fun.

I finish up with the painting. It’s really is good. The likeness is well done, with just enough of my own views and feelings of the subject coming through. Dang, I am sounding like an Alderaan artist.

I smile to myself at the humor in this and think of some fun revenge tricks. If the other troopers ever see me painting, I will not live it down. Well at least it’s not knitting.

I take the painting to the nearest incinerator and drop it in. Shame, because it is quite good.

I have the feeling I will be having a few more late nights like this.

Missions and Memories pt.3

31 hours.

I am getting loopy with all this waiting. I check the passive scanner. Excepts for a few native animals, nothing is in the area,. No droid energy readings and no people. And if one more bug crawls up my pant leg, I am going to lose my freaking mind. To keep alert I am forcing my self to review all officers’ names and serial number on base. Re-create a mental picture of them and their departments.

Dang, am I bored!

_________________________________________

Two weeks earlier.

“Tak, will you come to my office. Bring Wil and Sev also”

I nod to the Lt. Cmdr, go locate WK 315 and E775 then head back to the office/storage space that is acting as the Lt. Cmdr office. There are computers, computer parts, listening equipment and technical readouts all over the place.

I know something is up. She is fiddling with that belt data pad of hers, what does she call it…apod, iepod or some Nabooian word that doesn’t make sense. I know the sensor and cameras in the room are now on some pre-recorded loop.

The Lt. Cmdr look at us. “You know without your armor, I really can’t tell you guys apart.” She smiles jokingly.

WK 315 falls for the bait, again. “Al’verda (commander), Sev has that small scar near his eye, and my hair is a lot…”

The Lt. Cmdr start laughing softly, “Yes, I know Wil. I am joking with you again. I need to give you a memory flash to improve your humor.”

WK 315 glances at E775 and then me a little nervously. “I thought you said you weren’t going to do that any more. You’re going to get in trouble and I don’t want that to happen!”

WK 315 was referring to the fact that the LT. Cmdr had spent a fair amount of time studying the neuro blueprints of the clones and discovered that certain of us could be ‘re-flashed”.

Now after a lot of work she had made a memory flash visor that hooked into that tricked out data pad of hers. I am pretty sure it’s not regulation and if she wasn’t one of the best Com Slicers in the GAR, she would have been downgraded in rank a long time ago.

“I am not going to get in trouble, because no one know except you three”

We all look at each other.

“I’m not going to have to make that an order am I.” Again that playful smile

“No, ma’am” I respond

The Lt. Cmdr gives her eyes a small roll. “Tak, you know how I feel about the M word. And I’ve told you don’t have to call me Lt. Cmdr either. You can call me Oneida if you want. Both Wil and Sev do.”

“Yes, ma… Lt. Cmdr, I know that. Thank you” I try not to blush. How can we be such masterful fighters, but be spooked by her this much. It so strange.

“Tak, I want to try this on you again” As the Lt. Cmdr hold up the flash visor, I fidget just a bit. She quickly adds, “If you don’t want to I understand. It was a little mean what I did last time. But now you can ballroom dance in the Naboo style so brilliantly. I hadn’t danced like that since my time as a Handmaiden.”

At this reminder I winced. I am sure the dancing practice was more than just for testing her new research project. I thinks the Lt. Cmdr was brushing up for a fellow Nabooian.

I look at the Lt. Cmdr. “It’s not knitting or painting or anything like that, is it?” I ask tentatively

“No, It isn’t Tak.” She laughs that easy laugh again, “I am pretty sure it will help in battle, but I don’t want to tell you what it is incase it doesn’t take, OK”

I hesitate, “Why us, Lt. Cmdr? Why not some of the other troopers you work with?”

“Why, you afraid Tak?” She looks right at me, almost through me. “No, not you Tak. You would never admit you were afraid in front of me, would you.”

I try not to flinch or blush. E775 and WK 315 laugh lightly.

The Lt. Cmdr breaks her gaze and begins talking again “In examining the neuro paths of many troopers I found that there are small anomalies in about 3 out of every 100,000. And the weird thing is with the Batch 2s, like you Tak, it was a little more common. I am pretty sure that those clones with the anomalies can be “re-flashed” with new information with out writing over the old stuff, so to speak. When I did the dancing experiment on you three, it only took compleatly with you.”

I look at the Lt. Cmdr and can see she means no harm and isn’t lying. At least I don’t think she’s lying.

WK 315 smiled. “Glad it not me. All that dancing made Tak look ridiculous” Did he just giggle?

The Lt. Cmdr flashed a look at WK 315, which quiets him “At least he didn’t step on my toes in his attempt as dancing.”

I try to change the subject from dancing “I help out with your research with the…what are you calling that thing?”

“I don’t know, mobile flash unit…visor flasher…Tak Brain Wiper 2000” that smile again

“Ok, lets do get this done before Mess call” I smile back

_______________________________

I remember the rush of incoherent information that had shot into my brain. My head began to ache a little at the memory. I feel bad because it didn’t seem to do anything. Nothing new in my head as far as I could tell, but then again I did not know I could dance until the music started.

My comlink blares in my ear.

It’s E775 “CALL THE DROPSHP, TAK AND GET READY. WE'RE COMING OUT HOT!”

Missions and Memories pt.2

Still waiting for the team to get back.

28 hour have passed now. I have been running the sniper rifle semantic through my head to keep from getting lost in thought. Also, I am curious how the experimental ion round the Lt. Cmdr left with me will work. I only have two clips, along with the regular ammo. The ion round might be able to disable droid shields. That would help with the droid destroyers.

I am not sure where she comes up with these things. They are not standard issues. Maybe the ion rounds are Nabooian. They seem to have improved their offensive combat capability against droids in the past 10 years or so. But I guess you can't blame them.

I start to think of what I know of Naboo and my thoughts being to wander again.
_________________________________

5 Months Earlier, Coruscant

"OK then TK 266, let us get to the sparring and stop wasting a trooper's valuable time" A small smile plays across her face.

"I don't think I implied that you were wasting my time, Lt Cmdr."

"I know TK 266. It was a joke. Clones don't seem to have much of a sense of humor do you?"

She drops in to a standard Nabooian special forces fighting stance. I get ready to defend myself.

Her fist shoot at my head is much quicker then I imaged she could move. I block with quick, light hand movements.

"So TK 266, what do you do for fun?"

"Fun?" I block another flurry of hit and jump over her foot sweep.

'You know, what you do when you're off duty and leave base" she switches to a fighting style favored by the people of southern Naboo. She must have learned that in her youth.

"I haven't left the base except to go on missions" She feints with a kick and punches for my chest

"What do you mean, you don't leave the base? You have got to be kidding, here you are in the center of Republic civilization and you don’t leave the base?" A quick spin kick shoots towards my head. I block, grab her ankle and flip the Lt. Cmdr to the ground. She rolls over her left shoulder and then is back on her feet.

"So what are BIBO rules?" she asks, changing the subject as she launches in to a series of punches and kick. I block and retreat slowly across the mats.

"Informal trooper sparring rules. It means blood in and blood out. The sparring doesn’t end unless both troopers have bleed or one is incapacitated." I block a spin hit and then a reverse roundhouse kick.

"As opposed to being a punching bag like you're doing right now?" the Lt. Cmdr says with a flash of annoyance. "You haven't tried once to strike at me once" she begins to move a little faster. "You are fighting like a Voorpak."

"I think you're the Voorpak. Small, from Naboo and you have quite a bite."

"Wow hoo, was that a joke? From a trooper?" two jabs and a quick left almost catch me off guard. 'So are you going to attack at all or are you going to continue to fight like a adiik (child)."

"I have 28 cm and 32 Kg on you. I don't think it would be a fair fight. Plus you heard the arena Admin orders. And where in the galaxy did you pick up Mandalorian?"

She ignores the last question, "Don't worry about the admin, I outrank him. And we won't play BIBO's rules. We'll just fight until I knock you to the mat."

A sharp smile plays across her face "Or are you a hut'uun. (coward)

I am stunned by the word for just a second and the Lt. Cmdr lands three quick forceful blows to my face. As the blood start to flow I bark back "CAPAANI MIRSHMURE'CYE!"(are you looking to get hurt)

"Whenever you’re ready, TK"

I let my instinct take over. I begin an offensive attack with three stomp kick and a jab combo. The Lt. Cmdr block, jumps and dodges my blows, while backing away.

For the next five minutes we fight around the sparring arena with many of the troopers forming a wide circle and cheering us both on.

We have stopped taking and concentrate on the fight. The number of hand to hand fighting techniques the Lt. Cmdr knows surprises me. She can not be that old. And why would a slicer need that many fighting styles.

Finally, I spot a flaw in here defense. I test it with a reverse round house to the left and the Lt. Cmdr duck/dodges to the right. I quickly pivot for a spin punch from the right, as the Lt. Cmdr begins her defense, I stop and bring my knee up with force.

The sound of my knee connecting with the Lt. Cmdr's head quiets the room. She flies back and lands on her back, blood flowing from her nose and lip. I can see where the bruise is beginning to form.

She looks unconscious.

I rush over to make sure she is going to be ok. As I approach she pushed off the mat with her arms and one leg. She moves so fast I don't even see the kick to my groin coming. The pain shoots up my stomach and I feel the air rush out of my lungs. A second kick hits me in the chest and I fall back, trying to clutch myself while defending against the elbow coming towards my face. When she hit me I feel my nose break and hear a snap in her arm.

The Lt. Cmdr rolls off me, groaning, coming to rest on her knees and one hand, holding the obviously broken arm off the ground. Blood is dripping from her mouth and nose.

I turn on my side, spit out blood and I think a tooth on the mat, while trying to regain my breath.

Gasping the Lt. Cmdr say, "Well, you’re on the mat, so I guess the sparring match is over.”

She smiles up at the stunned troopers standing around “How about after the med bots clean us up, you and the other troopers join me off base for a Kashyyykie Ale?"

I just look at her.

"What do you say TK, you up for going off base?"

I nod the affirmative as several of the troopers help us up. They are all talking at once and slapping the Lt. Cmdr on the back. I think they are going to like her.

_____________________________________

As I gaze out over the landscape, my hand inadvertently rubs the small bump in the ridge of my nose. I think about the bar that evening and how the Lt. Cmdr embarrassed my by calling me Tak all night. The other troopers picked up on it and used it whenever the brass was not around. It took a while to got use to a personalized name.

Still no word from the team.

Missions and Memories pt.1

26 hours.

I have been lying here in complete radio silence for the past 26 hours. The Lt. Cmdr and the rest of the team went in the cave entrance over a day ago.

They were not supposed to be this long. We dropped far from the city. The team is supposed to make though the cave, which hooks up with the sewer system and attempt to access a computer within the City. We were sent in as a 5-person team. A sniper, The Lt. Cmdr to slice the system and 3 other troopers as back up.

I am annoyed that the Lt. Cmdr had me stay here on sniper duty. WK 315 is normally our sniper. On the last 4 mission E775 and I have acted as escort to the Lt. Cmdr. She had that mischievous look when she told me I was on sniper patrol.

The worst part of long wait like this is the stims. They make me jumpy. Not good while trying to stay silent and still. I use the ancient Echani calming technique the Lt. Cmdr has taught a few of us. My body calms, but my mind remains restless.

I dislike all the waiting, it give me too much time to think.

My mind begins to wander.
------------------------------------

5 months earlier on Coruscant

E775 is helping me up off the mat. He was bleeding from above his eye and I am trying to shake off the stun blow he had delivered to defeat me in the sparing match.

"Kandosii (nice one). You are getting much better"

E775 grinned at me; "I haven't beaten you in the last 7 matches, so I guess it was finally my turn today."

The Med Bot hovers up to us and begins examining E775 and me.

"Numerous abrasion, small incision above right eye caused by blunt force trauma, possible concussion." The Med Bot squawks at E775 and begins working on his cut and bruises. I can tell that it is going to leave a scar, regardless of the medical attention. I'll have to watch myself in the future.

As the Med Bot begins to treat my wounds, E775 start talking again. "So, how can you win so many of these sparring matches against me? We have the same training, came from the same Cloners, but you still seem to out match me most of the time."

I shrug, "I don't know. Maybe it because I've been in service longer than you. You came on after the battle of Geonosis. That's all I can think of."

E775 looks at me. The soon to be scar makes it the look quizzical, "I'm not..."

"Officer on Deck!!" barks the arena Admin.

All the troopers in the sparring arena turn to the voice and snap to attention.

Walking along with the arena Admin is a diminutive dark haired woman. I recognized her as the new officer, a Lt. Cmdr who was transferred here last week. On here second day here she had been given permission to interview several of the troopers. It seems she is building a team to work with her on selective missions. The troopers she interviewed came from many different units with out much rhyme or reason that I could discern.

"At ease!" the arena Admin shouts.

E775 quietly say "She been on the observation deck the last two day. Watching the trooper spar."

"I haven’t noticed" I lied

I do notice now that the Lt. Cmdr is wearing sparring clothes. But I don't see any other home-mades (clone phrase for non-clones) on the floor.

The arena Admin walks her up to E775 and me. "The Lt. Cmdr has requested a sparring session with a trooper. One of you two is it. No BIBO rules with her, understand!"

"Yes, Sir" we both bark back.

He turns and leaves us with the Lt. Cmdr.

She smiles and offers her hand "Lt. Cmdr J. Ranaé Oneida"

E775 puts out his hand "I am E775 and the quiet trooper next to me is TK 266. Unfortunately he'll have to be your sparring partner. I have to head over to medical..." he taps the cut on his head "concussion you know."

The Med Bot start to make a noise, but E775 bumps it hard as he leaves hurriedly, leaving me to fume and youngling-watch the officer.

The Lt. Cmdr does a slight eyebrow arch, "TK 266, I guess you're the lucky trooper today. You get to...hmmm what phrase would you use: Watch after, play host, waste time, baby-sit... me."

"Not at all, ma'am. I am happy to..."

The Lt. Cmdr points a finger at me. "Please don't call me ma'am. It drives me nuts."

"Of course ma'ma...I mean Lt. Cmdr"

"So TK 266, what do your friends call you?

I look puzzled "TK 266, ma..., Lt. Cmdr"

The Lt. Cmdr looks a little incredulous and says in a mock somber voice. "OK then, TK 266, let us get to the sparring and stop wasting a trooper's valuable time" A small smile plays across her face.
---------------------------------------

I shake off the memories like dew from morning grass and scan the area around the cave entrance. It is one click away and I have a clear view of everything in a 270-degree arc. Nothing moving in my immediate sightline.

Where are they?

Caption Winner....

The caption that made me laugh the most was submitted by Wedge:

"Things got worse when GD666 realized that the only thing to read was an old version of the Palpatine Bible."

Don't know why, it just hit some kind of funny nerve for me. Thanks to all of you who played along.

And now I present to Wedge (I can not believed I am doing this for a Rebel Scum) 2 cool points given to me by the Jedi of coolness himself, Qui-Gon Jinn.

*Hands over cool points, with a salute*

Tak’s Caption Contest

Best caption for the following picture win 2 of the 3 cool point awarded me by JJ and Qui Gon.


Yeah, this is a cheesy post, but deal with it. :-)

Yesterday

With Master Yoda going into exile, I felt I had express my feeling, which is hard to do when your not programmed with to many emotions. I choose to express my self in song.

Here is to you, my little green friend.



(Sung badly and off key to the tune of Yesterday by the Beatles)

Yoda’s blogs seemed to always say
“now in your nose that crayon will stay”
Oh, I read Yoda’s blogs just Yesterday

Suddenly, I’m not afraid to say Pickles like I used to be
Or scared that Yoda will wedgie me
Oh, Yoda’s blogs is gone suddenly

Why he had to go
We all know he couldn’t stay
I sense something wrong
Now that Yoda’s blogs is gone away

On Yoda’s blog, Windu had such a girlie way
And Kenobi had some dumb to do or say
Oh, I read Yoda’s blogs just yesterday

Why he had to go
Now we are stuck with dismay
I sensed we will have to get along
Now that Yoda’s blogs is gone away

On Yoda’s blog, the rules of grammar were just thrown astray
Now I need new blog to read everyday
Oh, Master Yoda has gone away
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.

Looking For Spys

I received word from command that the Hutts may be trying to get a spy on the base. Intel thinks they may be trying to get in to the fighter units.

I have been ordered to look over the personal files to see if I can glean any information.

Looks Ok.

Nothing odd here.

Well he looks a little sassy, but nothing to weird.

Red Stripes...that is odd. Hmmm, now were getting somewhere.

Nothing strange here

Hmmm....I think I'll do a little more research on that sassy looking pilot. But I don't see anyone who look like a Hutt spy.