Monday, December 18, 2006

A Pun Day A The Races

Several of the Clone Troopers had a R&R day, so we went to check out a pod race.

After the race we were allowed to go and talk to some of the racers. One racer was complaining about needing a new pod racer.

He couldn't decide whether to buy a Racer with a high top speed but poor acceleration,

pod racer 1

or one with lots of torque and a fast acceleration but a poor top speed.

pod racr 2

He turned to me and asked my opinion on the subject.

I’d buy the second one because it cost a lot less" I replied, "and after all, torque is cheap.”

Friday, December 15, 2006

A Troubled Clone

There was one clone trooper I served with a while back named Max.

Max was a good solider, but he had one problem. He hated climbing hills or mountains.

The guy would do anything to get out of it. We often had to hike miles out of our way on patrols just to avoid some trek up a hill.

Even when we had to take a hill in battle, Max would not climb up with us. He would always come up with some excuse.

One day a Republic Officer complained to me about Max.

I just responded, “Well Sir, He's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max.”


P.S. the winner of the caption contest is: Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...
You call this representative art? I say we tip it. That's representative of something, right?

Don't know why, but struck me as funny.

Jon IG was a close second, but fell due to a Typo.

Thank you all for playing this round :)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It Is Time Once Again For Tak’s Caption Contest.

I’ll start. Please add something funnier then this:

trooper cow tipping

This is not the cow you are looking for.

AMR3: Rough Landing

Bam!!! I hit the floor with a suddenness that nearly knocks the wind out of me. I lay on the ground, stunned trying to figure out what has just happened. Think! Clear your mind !

Ok what do I remember; I was on guard duty, the late shift. I had a few minutes and I was using the Holonet. That much I remember. What next? What was it? Come on you have to think!!

A pop-up. It was a pop-up. Said something about shoot the ducks and win a I-pod. So I shot at the ducks … then spinning and Bam! The floor!! ...

To find out the rest click here

I will be on the Amazing Mutant Race 3. Come by a watch in January. But will still be posting here, so do not :-)

Monday, December 11, 2006

It's Just Business ...

I have been assigned to the business forensics unit for a few weeks. Basically the unit looks over business records to see if we can find patterns of criminally. The Jedi are working with us to see if we can find out any information on a “dark force” problem.

What was interesting was finding out several very profitable companies that most of us had never heard of before the investigation.

Here are some of the samples.


OK, this is one I know about. Most Trooper helmets are made by these guys.


This one had a lot of business with bounty hunters, but how they could tell they were “Steely Eyed” when most of the bounty hunters buy from House of Vool.


Apparently this Realtor is used by people with hidden plans to take over the Republic, Jedi on the run and rebels.


These folks had a huge lay-away order for someone with the initials of: A.S. and/or D.V. Weird.


These guys build everywhere. Who among us haven’t seen their work. What I can’t understand is why no hand rails that meet Republic safety standards.

Sadly with all our work we didn’t find any bad guys. Well maybe we’ll have better luck next time.

Friday, December 08, 2006

All Items Half Off

I had always wondered what made Darth Maul turn to the dark side.

Maul mart

I should have known it was retail related.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


A young Republic officer had just been promoted and given his own office. On the first day in his new office, he sees a clone trooper come into the outer office.

Wishing to appear the hot shot, the Republic officer pick up the com-link and started to pretend he was talking to one of the fleet Admiral.

republic officer

He threw out ideas for capturing rebel bases and finishes with a flourish saying “And if you can’t see the logic in that plan Sir, then you may not be fit for duty.”

Finally he hung up and asked the Trooper, "Can I help you?"

The Trooper responded, "Yeah, I've come to activate your com-link."

Monday, December 04, 2006

Kiss, But Don't Tell

I had to escort a Republic Officer to Ryloth, the Twi’lek home world. One of the advantages for me, I did not have to wear my armor.

We boarded the public transport, but could not find a place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young Twi’lek woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it was obvious that the young woman and I were interested in each other, because the looks we exchanged.

Twi’Lek Maiden

Soon the transport jumped into hyper space and everything went pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the transport emerges from the Hyper-Jump, the four of us just sit there without saying a word.

The Twi'lek grandmother thought, "It was very brash for that young clone to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

The Republic Officer thought to himself, "I didn't know that clone trooper was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The Twi’lek Women was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

I sat there with a satisfied smile on my face. I thought to myself, "Life is good. How often does a guy like me have the chance to kiss a beautiful Twi’lek and slap an officer all at the same time!"

Friday, December 01, 2006

Clones, Windu and A Problem

When working the Com-Stat desk on a late night detail I received a strange message. It was a memo from Kamino discussing a problem they were having with a clone. It seems the Jedi Council was attempting to a Jedi to help keep peace in the Republic. I made a copy of the memo before passing it along to the Jedi Temple.


To: Jedi Council
From: Lama Su and Bilee Geight

Subject: Jedi Clone Experiment

This memo is to inform you that we have had many set-backs in the Jedi Clone Experiment. Bilee Geight, the project coordinator, thinks the problem is due to the Mediclorians in the sample you sent. Or it may just be the genetic sample from Master Windu just will not work.

We have made thousands of attempts to prefect to process. Here are some examples of the issues we have faced.

Windu 95: Our first viable clone didn’t come about until the 95th try. It to work well, but kept shutting down if it had to do more than one task at a time. It did not work well with any other clones. Plus it looks wrong.

windu 95

Windu 98: Close on the heels our first success; we thought we had worked out many of the bugs. But we found this model had major problems when it was allowed to use the Holo-Net. It would get sick with viruses very quickly.

windu 98

Windu 2000: After a lot of work we again thought we had perfected the Jedi clone, but as you can see it was old and outdated before it even started to work. And it still had many of the same problems as Windu 95 and Windu 98.

Windu 2000
WINDU 2000

Windu XP: We gave up on a number system after Windu 2000. Windu XP (eXtra Powerful) overcame all the problem of the previous viable clones. At first it looks like all our problems were solved, but Windu XP began to hog all the resources in the training facility. After we had it working, we found that this model of clone needed constant upgrading to keep it working.

windu xp

We are therefore requesting that we can discontinue the Windu Project. In looking over the files of Jedi, it is believed we can get a viable Jedi clone from one of the following member of the order: Master Ma Kin Tosh, Jedi Knight Link Uss or Padawan Vista Beta.

P.S. Bilee Geight is still pushing for further use of the Windus, but please don’t listen to him.