Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Back To "Normal" Duty

I was in Senator Aak Ask’s office on ceremonial guard duty, when his chief of staff, Rak Riice, came in for a meeting.

Senator Ask Ask
Senator Aak Ask

Aak Ask: Rak Riice! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Rak Riice: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of
Aak Ask: Great. Lay it on me.
Rak Riice:
Hu is the new leader of Hapes.
Aak Ask: That's what I want to know.
Rak Riice:
That's what I'm telling you.
Aak Ask: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of Hapes?
Rak Riice:
Aak Ask:
I mean the fellow's name.
Rak Riice:
Aak Ask: The guy in Hapes.
Rak Riice: Hu.
Aak Ask: The new leader of Hapes.
Rak Riice:
Aak Ask: The Hapesman!
Rak Riice:
Hu is leading Hapes.
Aak Ask: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Rak Riice:
I'm telling you Hu is leading Hapes.
Aak Ask:
Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading Hapes?
Rak Riice: That's the man's name.
Aak Ask:
That's who's name?
Rak Riice:
Aak Ask: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of Hapes?
Rak Riice: Yes, sir.
Aak Ask: Yassir? Yassir The Hutt is in Hapes? I thought he was from the
Nal Hutta.
Rak Riice: That's correct.


Aak Ask: Then who is in Hapes?
Rak Riice:
Yes, sir.
Aak Ask: Yassir is in Hapes?
Rak Riice:
No, sir.
Aak Ask:
Then who is?
Rak Riice:
Yes, sir.
Aak Ask:
Rak Riice: No, sir.
Aak Ask:
Look, Rak Riice. I need to know the name of the new leader of Hapes. Get me the Secretary General of the Senate on the phone.
Rak Riice:
Aak Ask:
No, thanks.
Rak Riice:
You want Kofi?
Aak Ask: No.
Rak Riice:
You don't want Kofi.
Aak Ask:
No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the Senate.
Rak Riice:
Yes, sir.
Aak Ask: Not Yassir! The guy at the Senate.
Rak Riice:
Aak Ask:
Milk! Will you please make the call?
Rak Riice:
And call who?
Aak Ask:
Who is the guy at the Senate?
Rak Riice: Hu is the guy in Hapes.
Aak Ask: Will you stay out of Hapes?!
Rak Riice: Yes, sir.
Aak Ask:
And stay out of the Nal Hutta! Just get me the guy at the Senate.
Rak Riice:
Aak Ask:
All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the comlink.
(Rak Riice picks up the comlink.)
Rak Riice:
Riice, here.
Aak Ask: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in Hapes. And the Nal Hutta. Can you get Hapes food in the Nal Hutta?

Now my head hurts. And we wonder why the Republic is faltering.

*with apologies to Abbot and Costello

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

AMR3: Tak's 5th Leg

AOC explores The Horrors of Disneyland, after having to forfeit his money from The Amazing Mutant Race 3. Click here to see what happened.

trooper bear
Look it’s a Takseketeer

Monday, January 29, 2007

Coffee in the Morning ...

When I reported to the Supply office for duty this morning I received some good news and some bad news. The good news; Ensign Kip, irritated by my lack of copier expertise, had the clone troopers reassigned for out last day of “sensitivity job training”. The bad news; The reassignment was to the Jabba the Coffee Hutt in the lobby.

starbucker coffee

We opened at 5:00 am and it was non-stop all morning. The orders came fast and furious and the Troopers and I worked hard to keep up.

Customer #1 “I’ll have a Latte with no foam”

Tak: “One coffee with cream

Customer #2: “I want an Espresso, hot, but not to hot”

Tak: “One coffee, black

Customer 3#: “I need a non-fat half Cappuccino, half de-caff, wet, hot, with a twist of lemon and dash of Correlian Spice”
Senator Ask Ask

Tak: “One coffee, with cream and spit in it

And so the morning went. I went on a short break when I heard a commotion.

When I say no-foam, I mean no foam, you insignificant little womp rat!!” The customer screams

trooper bad job

Wow, Customer service is harder that I thought. Oh well back to work. Good thing this is the last day of this assignment.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Tak's Temp Job (part 2)

Continued from here

The morning goes by slowly. I have been filing A-35JZ forms in triplicate all morning. One in the Alpha file, one in the Date file and one in the Subject file. I am not sure why, I thought the Republic had everything on Datapads. So much for the paperless office that Microsith promised.

My “duty officer”, Ensign Kip comes in to glare at me.

kip in tie

“Are you a flippin’ Idiot! You have filed the A-35JZ under Parts. Geez, why would you do that?”

“Because the A-35JZ is a request for Speeder parts.” I reply in my best “don’t kill this man” voice.

“Then you should file it under Transportation, you freakin’ moron. Why do I get all the dumb ones? Gosh!!” Ensign Kip hissed at me. “Just take this cart of file and photocopy them.”

I grab the cart and start down the hall, but not before hearing “Ugh! Idiot!” from the Ensign.

Half an hour later I am back at Ensign Kips office. “Umm… Sir, there was a problem with the copier.”

Ensign Kip walks out and starts to ask “What is freakin wrong now, I was just chatting with Corellian babes on the holonet and ….”

trooper copier accident

“Something is the matter with the toner I think.” I try to explaine


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Amazing Mutant Race 3

Over at The Amazing Mutant Race 3, Tak is jumping the Grand Canyon and fighting Zombies. I know, I know, what do those two thing have in common and what the heck is Tak doing on Earth anyways.

Click here to find out.

tak jumps the grand cayon
Tak doing his best Evel Kneivel

Monday, January 22, 2007

AOC: New Jobs (sigh)

It was brought to the attention of some high ranking officer that the Clone Troopers have been less than polite to some non-combat member of the Grand Army of the Republic (G.A.R.). Something about locking Ensign P. Brandoff jr. in the supply closet (for 3 days) after his little rant about a trooper not filling out the right ZTR-726b form to get a new datapad.

A directive came down from Admiral P. Brandoff sr. that Troopers in my squad would have to take “sensitivity job training”. This is supposed to teach us that all jobs in the G.A.R are important.

For my first day I was ordered to office pool.

I was forced to take public transit.

trooper on subway

Not to bad, but these people need to learn how to use deodorant and not to urinate on the seats.

Once at the office pool, I was given 59 pages of paper work to fill out, assigned my cubical and given my job assignment.

But before I could report to work, I had to get a office ID.

20 minutes later I am arguing with the department in charge of Photo ID, who have informed me that due to the fact I have no office ID, I cannot be giving a Photo ID. I wave the reams of paper work at them, but they send me back to Human Resource.

Once at HR, I discover they have taken a break. I slip in, Slice the mainframe and produce and office ID card and head back to Photo ID

I don’t think they got my best side.

storm temp

I then head back to the HR department to fill out thereat of my paperwork. Again they are on a break, So I am forced to sit and wait, while the front desk person talks on the com-link about which is the best new bar in the CoCo district.

I am beginning to feel it was a bad day to leave my blaster at the base.


Thursday, January 18, 2007

Winners and Throw Downs

The winner of Tak’s Caption Contest (Tak with Cookies) is Jon IG with “Let's see... Serve donuts or get my butt handed to me by midgets in bear costumes... Well what would you do?”

Reference to Storm troopers getting beaten by Ewok is always a crowd pleaser. Congrats Jon. Go visit his site.

On another note.

Someone, I won’t say who, has been bashing how the Clone Troopers dance.

Let me just say Troopers are great dancer. Janga Fett had great coordination and rhythm. And as we carry his genes many Troopers have mad skillz also. Just check this out.

Yoda isn’t the only one who can bust a move.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Tak's Caption Contest

Once again it is time for Tak’s Caption Contest.

Winner will gain the esteem and adulation of the ten’s of visitor to this site.

storm cookie

Here is mine to start the contest.

“Tak reminded himself to never volunteer until after the full assignment was announced.”

Amazing Muntant Race 3: The 3rd leg

Come see Tak skydive and work as an Elvis impersonator. Click here

Friday, January 12, 2007

Holiday Party Photos

I have gotten my holiday party photos. It took longer than I thought it would. That will be the last time I use Jaba's Photo Hutt to develop my film.

The clones got ready.
christmas clones 1

E775 and I went to get Beer.
trooper beer

Jango Fett and Chewbacca came dressed for the occasion.
christmas fett

christmas chewie

Kenobi and R2D2 were festive as well.
christmas obi r2

The Jawas brought a snack and Yoda got hammered.
christmas jawa

christmas yoda
“Drunk, I am not”

Then Lord Vader showed up and had a beer.
vader beer

And another
vader beer

And several more beers, until things got out of hand.
christmas drunk vader

Really, really out of hand.
vader in drag

Next year, no holiday party.

AMR 3, leg 2 part 2

Tak helping GI Joe with a rescue. Read more here.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

For Nan

Nan asked to see who had visited the Trooper base. Click here to see

Some Like It Hot Tub

Jaina Solo Com linked me to let me know she was sorry for the comments she had said the other day when I was ripping on Snowboarders.

Tak” She cooed, “I just wanted to let you know that I am not mad at you. In fact the more I thought about your “hot tub” comment, the more I have been thinking about you and me ... and a hot tub.”

I was stunned.

She continued, “Why don’t you come over to my place. I’ll have the hot tub a warmed up and ready for us. Come over quickly.”

In less then 10 minutes I am through the back gate and jump in the hot tub the await the lovely Miss Solo. I start to smile as I hear the sliding glass door open and ….


storm hottub

It keeps asking if I want any Champaign. Yikes! I can’t tell it this wookie is male or female.

Send Help! NOW!!

ARM3 leg 2 of the race

Tak has run the second leg of The Amazing Mutant Race III. Click here to see what happened. Down with Koma

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

AOC and the Amazing Mutant Race

Tak has run the second leg of The Amazing Mutant Race III. Click here to see what happened.

Down with Koma

Monday, January 08, 2007

Guard Duty with a Python

I am on guard duty and am getting really bored. We have been told to be on the look out for rebel infiltrators who might try to get on the base undetected.

I see a several clone troopers approaching.

worst 3

Hail there, fellow Clone Trooper” the one on front says to me, “We have just gotten back from an important mission and need to report to the base commander.”

WTF??? I stare at these troopers for a moment. “Uhh, why don’t you guy just move along and I’ll forget you even were here, Ok?” I tell them.

I heard one of them whispering to the leader “Your right, the Jedi mind tricks are working.”

Another “Trooper” came running up. “I need to get on the base right now I have an important message for Lord Vader! Let me by.”

storm box

The first group started whispering again and then asked the second "trooper" “Excuse me. Are you the Coruscant People's Front?

The second guy gets indignant and says “Frack off! I am the People's Front of Coruscant.”

They begin to argue with each other over who had the “people’s interest” at heart and some other such nonsense. I was just about to blast them all when another groups rushed up.

storm bucket

The look at me and ask “Are you with the Front of Coruscant People? We are looking to get on the base and were told to meet your contact here. By the way nice disguise.”

I just shake my head in disbelief, set my blaster on stun and knock the lot of them out. On the plus side I’m not bored anymore.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

It's Sno Joke, My Friend

I have just come back from a quick weekend on Hoth. A bunch of Clone Troopers went for the Skiing and while there we bumped into a group of X-wing pilots who were Snowboarding. The usual “banter” went back and forth and the Troopers started spitting out the jokes.

Clone Trooper Getting Ready To Ski

ornge snow boarder
X-Wing Pilot “Shredding”

Q. What do you call a snowboarder with no girlfriend/boyfriend?

A. Homeless

Q. If you have a car with 3 snowboarders in the back seat, what do you call the driver?
A. Sheriff!

Q. What is the difference between a snowboard instructor and a snowboard student?
A. 3 days!


Q. How many snow board instructors does it take to change a lightbulb?A. Three - one to hold it, one to video tape it and the other to say "AWESOME DUDE!"

The X-wing Pilots got mad and tried their own joke:

Q: How may Skiing Clone Troopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I quickly shout back “None, we screw in Hot Tubs.”

I love skiing!!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A Corellian Marine Becomes One With The Force

A Corellian Marine has found he has become one with the Force (died).


Qui-Gon Jinn asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of joining the Force.

The Corellian Marine replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my fellow marines and saw two Clone Troopers harassing a Twi’Lek at the bar.


So being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Trooper to stand down.

Qui-Gon Jinn said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the Corellian Marine did this great act. The Corellian Marine replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!

The Amazing Mutant Race III's 1st leg

Tak has run the first leg of The Amazing Mutant Race III. Click here to see what happened.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Elvis the Ewok Song tranlation

Detention Block rock (Jailhouse Rock)
KathHound Dog (Hound Dog)
Let me be your fuzzy Ewok (let me be your teddy bear)
Kashyyyk rain (Kentucky Rain)
G.A.R. Blues (G.I Blue)
Suspicious Minds
Return to Endor (return to sender)