Last Stop With Senator Aak Ask

Continued from here and here.

One last stop with Senator Aak Ask and were done for the day. The senator decided he wanted to do a troop review. I contacted the base and let commander officer know we would be soon have a V.I.P. I am sure the troopers will be every so happy the have to dump training for the rest of the day to stand at parade.

“You know trooper, I enjoy visiting bases. It reminds me of my day in the Malastare home guard” the Senator told me.

Oh, yeah his illustrious service in the home guard. If I remember the file the Lt. Cmdr gave me on Aak Ask his service was in a public relation unit. He was a copy boy on the base newsletter. Seemed his father pulled a couple of strings for him. Good thing, considering his shooting score. You would think a guy with three eyes would have a little better dept perception.

We make it to the base shortly.

An entire battalion has been put in formation on the parade grounds. The Republic Officer on duty took over from there. I was told to follow along to make sure that all Photo Ops for the Senator had a trooper in them.

As the Senator review the troops he made comments to the troops along the line.

“You should stand taller trooper.”

“Is that insignia regulation, commander?”

“In my day we would have never been allowed on parade with a smudge on our uniform.”

Strange none of us could see these glaring flaws.

Finally towards the end of the line were two ARC troopers, just back from a mission, wearing the traditional Kama (a kilt like clothing)

The Senator stopped and looked over the ARC troopers.

“Trooper, your Kama is a little frayed” the Senator stated haughtily

The ARC trooper shot back, “Sir, you are wrong Sir. This Kama and the trooper wearing it ain’t ‘fraid of anything or anyone!”

Was that the Republic Officer I heard snickering?

Happy Easter To All!

Here are some Easter Eggs for you all.

And also here’s a shout out for all my Peeps.

More Easter Greetings

http://starwarsunited.blogspot.com/2006/04/happy-easter.html

check out some of my Peeps

Deeper and Deeper

After the younglings, Master Yoda and several members of the press stopped laughing, Senator Aak Ask blithely jumped right back in the Bear Clan’s Den.

“If you are so clever, younglings, use the word "fascinate" in a sentence”, barked the Senator.

I think to myself: Boy, this guy never learned the first rule of holes. When you find your self in one, Stop Digging.

The Twi’lek boys put up his hand and said, "We went to polar irrigation system here on Coruscant. It was fascinating."

“Ha” Aak Ask said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."

The Shili girl quickly raised her hand. She said, "I went to the Temple Archives and I was fascinated."

The Senator said, "Well, that was not very good. I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinated."

What a jerk, I thought.

Harvey raised his hand. Senator Aak Ask hesitated because he had just been slammed by Harvey. He continued to look around the room. “anyone…anyone”

I spoke up, “Senator, I believe that student has his hand up”

The Senator glared at me and sighs.

He finally decided there was no way Harvey could damage the word 'fascinate', so he called on him.

Harvey said, "Aayla Secura has a shirt with ten buttons, but her chest is so big she can only fasten eight."

I think the camera man from Faux News Network wet himself at that point

Great Loss

I was given another assignment to escort Senator Aak Ask on a Senatorial press junket. The Senator from Malastare thought it would be good for public relation to visit the Jedi Temple. What follows won’t be seen on RCNN (Republic Core News Network) or FNN (Faux News Network) tonight:

Senator Aak Ask toured the youngling classrooms at the Jedi Temple. The Bear Clan had just begun a discussion related to words and their meanings.

Master Yoda asked Senator Aak Ask if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." The Senator asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

A Shili girl stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a speeder comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Aak Ask, "that would be an accident."

A twi’lek boy raised her hand and said, "If Bob the Bantha was carrying 50 younglings and fell off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," the Senator said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Senator Aak Ask searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, Harvey raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If your space cruiser, carrying the Malastareian delegation, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."

"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the Senator.

"Well," Harvey said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as heck wouldn't be a Great Loss..."

It's Going To Be A Long Night

After spending the day helping the Lt. Cmdr move in to her new apartment and procuring some furniture on a search a scavenge mission, I headed back to base.

As I get close to my barrack I begin to hear music:

Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga
I know you can't control yourself any longer
Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga
I know you can't control yourself any longer

I don’t have to even guess whose idea it was to throw a party while the Lt. Cmdr was away: Batch 3. I head in to see what kind of damage is being caused.

I am greeted by loud yells of “Party On” and a group of conga lined clones.

As I look over the barrack, through the throng of people and din of noise, I can not believe what I see.

There are at least 2 bands on either end of the room. Dang! Is that Anakin (what is up that wacky outfit) and E775 on stage:

It's not the east or the west side.
No it's not!
It's not the north or the south side.
No it's not
!It's the Dark side.
You are correct!
Keep frontin' the Empire,
To all you Vader-haters out there,
We'll blow your planet up!

And I cannot believe all the Twi’lek’s dancers around here.

How did the Batch 3’s convince them to show up! And freak dance with them to boot!

The closest I’ve come to a date since arriving on Coruscant was a meal at a diner with the Lt. Cmdr and 3 other troopers.

I see two troopers coming out of the bathroom with Tarisan Ale, so I glance in:

That’s going to make for a long night.

As I make my way across the room to look at the other band. I am again surprised (to put it mildly):

Don't step out of this house if that's the clothes you're gonna wear

I'll kick you out of my home is you don't cut that hair
The Chancellor busted in and said, "What's that noise?"
Aw, Palps you're just jealous - it's the Alien Boys!

You gotta fight for your right to party

You gotta fight for your right to party


Just then I hear a loud shout of “OFFICER ON DECK” The room quiets down.

I turn to see the Lt. Cmdr and Senator Amidala come into the barracks. The Lt. Cmdr scans the room with a scowl and barks “Why haven’t one of you brought me an ale yet.” Then breaks into a big grin.

The music start up again as three troopers and a Rodian rush to get the Lt. Cmdr an ale.

The rest of the night became a blur. Senator Amidala got a little wild, but the Lt. Cmdr did something with her I-Pod and all camera in the building stopped working.

And man oh man, the Lt. Cmdr can dance! Not in a Twi’lek way, but in a crazy, fun, "I am so comfortable with who I am" way.

Bad Day on Guard Duty

I have been put in the brig. That’s right, arrested and tossed in the base jail. I’ve talked to Lt. Cmdr Oneida about the problem and she is looking to see what can be done.

Here’s what happened:

I was assigned guard duty at a diplomatic meeting being held here on Coruscant. This is always a good assignment: the duty is light, break time means good food and most of the diplomatic corps are a nice group (a very diplomatic group).

The downside of the assignment was I would have to work with B3-1453. He is a Batch 3, with the slight defect of being very foul mouthed. I have no idea how this moron received this assignment.

We we’re not at the door more than 5 minutes when B3-1453 starts in:

“Whoa, did you see the t**s on that Twi’lek. Dang, I’d like to f*** her”

“Boy oh boy, if I had a dog that was as ugly as that Gran, I’d shave its @ss and make it walk backwards”

“Personally, I don’t give a f*** if we have to go to war. Just give me more time to kick the S*%$ out of something”

“Hey Tak, What the f*** is your f***ing problem! You have been f***ing quite all night. I hate working with stick in the mud f***s like you!”

And so on the evening went. B3-1453 kept it up, offending the guest, annoying me to my core. Finally, I called into base to explain the problem. The watch commander told me to, and I quote “Stop whining and just deal with it.”

So I dealt with it by going over to B3-1453 and pushing him over the railing. I know, not the best way to “deal with it”, but in my defense…He was really annoying.

Turn out B3-1453 fell about 10 stories and landed on a Hutt. Both survived the incident, but B3-1453 was hurt badly enough he will be in medical for at least 10 weeks.

Finally the Lt. Cmdr come back to talk with me.

“Well Tak, They wanted to charge you with assault, battery and involuntary battery on that Hutt.”

“That doesn’t sound good for me Lt. Cmdr.” I smiled weakly

“Don’t looks so worried Tak, you know I look after my troops. It took a lot of smooth talking but I got the charges reduced. All you will have to do is pay a fine and do a little community service.”

I brighten up instantly, “That is great! Thank you for your help Lt. Cmdr! I was really sweating it.”

The Lt. Cmdr started to get up and leave.

“Lt. Cmdr” I begin to ask, “What did I get charged with in the end”

She smiles at me, “Making an obscene clone fall, what else.”

WTF??????

I heard a strange sound at the base today. It sounded like mewing. I was on instant alert in case it was another K.I.T.K.A.T attack. I searched the area and found what was making the noise. It wasn’t a K.I.T.K.A.T, but I was close in my thinking.

It was General Grievous’s new kitten.



























Someday you just find the most amazing things.

The problem with Hutt Cars

http://starwarsunited.blogspot.com/2006/03/this-has-gone-too-far-2the-hutt-car.html

One of the reasons the Empire fell

http://starwarsunited.blogspot.com/2006/03/emipre-falls.html

The Artist Formally Known As TK 266

I stopped by the Coruscant Mall to get a part for the Lt. Cmdr’s Lap Datapad. That turned out to be a mistake. Veers was swamped with navel officers mobbing the sales rack. I almost had a Naboo Marcus flash back.

I turned around to leave when I spotted the longest line I had ever seen. A JJ and Jinn brownie shop seemed to have opened recently. I spotted both JJ and Qui-Gon working the counter. They look like they were stuck deep in retail hell. Their pain inspired me to do something I have never done before: write and sing a song.

(Sung to the tune of “Jack and Diane”, badly)


A little ditty about JJ and Qui
2 mall workers just trying to get by
JJ going to be big CEO star
Qui just wants to chill in the great here and after

Eating Endor dogs outside the Hothey Freeze
Qui and JJ stuck in mall jobs for as long as they can see
Qui say “JJ, let’s give up and be done”
JJ says “Heck no, cuz they’ll think that they won”

JJ says, oh yeah mall life goes on
Long after the thrill of haggling is gone
Qui say, Oh yeah mall life goes on
Long after the mall clone is proved a moron

Qui sits back, collect his thought for a moment
Scratches his head and does it best Hans Solo
“Well, you know JJ, we could run off to Kessel”
JJ says, “Jinn you know we ain’t missin’ a thing”

JJ says uh,

Oh yeah mall life goes on
Long after the shoppers complaints are done
Oh yeah mall life goes on
Long after the old lady's expired coupon
Qui walk on

Mall jobs gonna suck, mall jobs gonna blow
Here's the management, come to break your soul
Holding on to break time just as long as you can
Changes to the schedule will ruin your weekend

Oh yeah, mall life goes on
Long after the mall zombies have eaten everyone
Oh yeah, they say mall life goes on
Long after your will to live is gone

Little ditty, about JJ and Jinn
Two mall worker doing the best that they can.

Down Time

After my adventures with Lemur Su and the K.I.T.K.A.Ts, I spent a few days relaxing. Best thing was getting to heading over to Dex’s Dinner new Holonet café for some Kamino coffee and a little down time with Epsilon 775. I took the Lt. Cmdr’s Lap Data Pad to see if I could fix it.




Ahh, Coffee! Life is good.

How To Save The Republic Without Even Trying!

I run. I run like my life depend on it (oh wait it does).

From behind me I hear the outraged screams of Lemur Su, “K.I.T.K.A.Ts!!! Attack!! Bar his escape!”

Give me a break. I mean really, give me a break. I’ll break me off a piece of a K.I.T.K.A.Ts baring me..

I look over my shoulder as I run.

Sith spit, that’s a lot of psycho kitties. I run into the cloning facility and block the door.

I have got to find a place to hide and think for a minute. I hear a noise and …Ahhhhhh

"Jehavey'ir !!" (Ambush) I yell.


I fire back, while jumping out of the way. I hit the K.I.T.K.A.T and run on. Dang, I didn’t realize the K.I.T.K.A.Ts had chameleon ability. That one just changed the color of its fur. I run on trying to think. I slow and duck into a training room.

You have got to be kidding me!!!

“I HAVE MEW NOW!” purrs the Dark Jedi Kitten

I fire twice!

OK bad idea. (note to self, when shooting at someone trained in the Jedi ways, make sure I have more people on my side) I shoot out the light and duck back out the door. I make a mad dash for the outside of the building.

*KA-BRUUUUM*….*KA-BRUUUUM*

That sounded like an AT-TE’s heavy gun! Here?? How??

I run out the doors of the cloning facility and am greeted by a wonderful sight.

The AT-TE a firing thousands of balls of yarn at the K.I.T.K.A.Ts. Clone troopers are spraying catnip everywhere. Groups of Clone commandos are assaulting the K.I.T.K.A.Ts with Maribou Feather Cat Play Toy. The K.I.T.K.A.Ts are in disarray and being easily scooped up by Coruscant Animal Control.

I see Commander Bly off in the distance securing Lemur Su. I run up and snap a salute.

“No need for that TK-266.”

“but??...how?…you?…” I stammer

“Lt. Cmdr. Oneida contacted us on here way back from Naboo and informed us of your undercover operation. She stated she received a call from you and over heard you extracting information from Lemur Su. We tracked your com signal and showed up before you could claim all the glory.” Commander Bly smiled good naturedly at me.

“By the way, Lt. Cmdr. Oneida joking asked if you contacted her by accident. She is so funny…like she would be on your com link’s speed dial.” Now Bly laughs heartily.

“Yeah…Ha Ha…that would be crazy to have her on my speed dial…ha ha.” I nervously reply.

Lemur Su begins to be taken away, but turn to face me. “I would have ruled the galaxy!! My plan was perfect and would have succeeded if it wasn’t for you meddling….”

“Just shut up and get in the transport.” Bly barked, “it’s off to jail for you.”

I glance back at the battle field littered with yarn and then I hop on another transport heading back to base. What a day!

Maybe the Lt. Cmdr will be home...

What the *beep beep*

As the elevator opened Lemur Su bang to speak again.

“We are now 3 mile below what was the surface of Coruscant. I found this long forgotten Jedi training center shortly after I was exiled from Kamino. That was after the Batch 3 problem.” Lemur Su glances quickly at me “Not that I ever thought your lot as a mistake, just more of a boo boo. Nothing that a little work wouldn’t have fixed. But did the elders listen to me! NO! it was “quality control” this and “problems with marketing” that. They never saw your true potential”

Wow, I didn’t even know Kanionians could get ever get this work up about anything.

Lemur Su look at me again and regains composure.

“As I was saying I found these old training grounds, I began to do some research. From what I found here I knew no one had used them in over 2,000 years. Further research at the archives showed no record of this location. It would be perfect. I was able to bring equipment for my cloning experiments," Lemur Su Point,

"build training facilities

and make a pretty nifty evil-villain hide-out. Also it was dark and drab so I put in fake sunlight. Nice, don’t you think?”
I was a little overwhelmed. “but where did you get the fund, time or staff power to do all this in 10 short years?” I asked perplexed

“You mean how did I amass fortune, build this complex and keep it all secrete”

I nod yes.

“Sorry A3-001, that’s special evil-villain leader information. Your not one, so I can’t tell you.”

WTF?!?!?!?! (back to the story)

We approached the training center. The sound of blaster fire inter mingled with the mewing of kittens.

“You can see the training all of the K.I.T.K.A.Ts go though:

basic melee weapons

blaster rifles

advanced martial arts

and finally…”


I call out without thinking “Holy Kamino on a Krutch” *beep beep*

“I see you are surprised by the final Jedi Training we put them through. Darth Luv helped train them in the Jedi way before he was killed.” *beep beep*

“And once they are trained and placed with the powerful thought out the Galaxy I will unleash order 66 and death will befall all who oppose me!!!”

*beep beep*

“But how will the K.I.T.K.A.Ts be put in place? And I think Order 66 is already taken.”

Lemur Su snaps out of the megalomaniacal stupor “We are sending them to all the Senator, Jedi and various powerful being throughout the Galaxy. That dizzy senator from Naboo passed “Republic Adopt a Pet Week” as a *beep beep* piece of B.S. legislation to pad her legislative record. The K.I.T.K.A.Ts will arrive in 2 weeks with a note from the senator. Who could resist a cute kitten from a hot senator? Muhahahahahahahahaha, the plan is fool proof. The only thing that could stop us is…Do you hear a beep beep noise? Because I been hearing it for a while…*beep beep*...There it goes again”

I hear the beep of my communicator. I must have turned it on by accident while fidgeting my hands in my pocket.

*beep beep*

Lemur Su glares at me “A3-001, what’s in your pocket?”

I shrug and look for any escape route. *beep beep*

“WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR POCKET?” screams Lemur Su.

I pull out my hold-out blaster and run as fast as I can.

“WHAT DOES IT HAVE IN IT’S POCKETSSS”

*beep beep*

Lemur Su Speaks

I try not to react too strongly as I gaze at Lemur Su. But my face must give something away.

“What is it, A3-001? Have I aged that much in the last 3 years? Do I look old to you now?”

“uhh…No. It just I wasn’t to expecting you. And the Toydarian threw me off.”

We begin to walk to the through a door in the back of the shop and down a long hallway

“I understand, but that is his job. Your disguise is much better than the hat you wore last time. Well, why have you come here? The plan is almost ready and we don’t want anything to interfere with it.”

“Oh yeah the Plan. I’m curious about how the kitten that belongs to General Grievous works into the plan?...And I only ask because that Lt. Cmdr that is on that show with him contacted one of the clone about the animal.”

“WHAT!!! Are you saying someone is onto the plan??? What has become of that clone and the commander?”

I try not to panic (much) “The clone has been taken care of. I am impersonating him and can communicate with the commander when I have need. No one else know of this” I stammer out.

“Oh, I should have never tried to get that kitten close to Yoda. That plan failed when that annoying little Jawa ate it. I still don’t understand how that jawa managed to capture that kitten after all its training. But then again he did help lead to the downfall of the lemur clone army I helped Darth Wuv create.”

“But do not to worry, A3-001. We have improved on that plan ten fold. With our K.I.T.K.A.Ts almost fully trained and in place all over the Republic we should have no trouble taking over.”

I must have had that confused look again.

“I am sorry A3-001. I forget you haven’t received the latest acronyms code book. K.I.T.K.A.Ts are the Kitten Infiltration Tactical Klone Attack Teams. I can not tell you hard it is to come with acronyms when the phrase clone is trademarked.”

“Excuse me? You're worried about trademark infringement? Are you kidding me?”

“Oh my poor naive clone. Taking over the galaxy is one thing, F***ing with intellectual property rights lawyers…even I am not that crazy. Come with me and I will show you how much work has been done since your last visit”

We reach an elevator and being to make our way down into the depths of the Coco District.

At the Klone Store.

I hail a cab and make my way to Coco Town, where Kaninoan Kat Kloning (K.K.K.) is located. Wow, this is pretty sketchy for the cliental this place is supposed to have.

I am dropped about 1 block from K.K.K.. I pass McDooku’s, Dex’s Diner and Hutt’s house of discount robes (is that Kenobi leaving??), before arriving at Kaninoan Kat Kloning.

When I enter the storefront, I am confronted by a flapping of wings.

“Hey, whatas the big idea? You trying to knock me down big guy?”

A Toydarian??? That not what I expected. I look at him askance.


“Hey Cyclops, nice mustache” the Toydarian laughs “youa looking for a clone…I mean Klone pet, ehhh?”

“Of course, why else would I be here? I wanted to find the perfect pet.”

“Weel, I thinka I havea the perfect pet fora bigga guy like you. Howa ‘bout a womp rat. Youa look likea womp rat guy”

I try to laugh jovially “Ha Ha. No, my flying friend I am looking for a cat.” Now to use my sly transition. “And I only want the best kind of clone… I mean Klone. Is your cloner a Kaninoan?”

“Firstly, we don’t have cats. And our cloner, he’sa not a Kaninoan, I thinka he a jawa…yeah thatsa right he a jawa. And he’s away right now, so youa can’t talk to him. In fact youa should go now.”

Uhh, the name on the door Say "Kaninoan Kat Kloning, and your saying you have neither cats or Kaninoans?”

“You musta read it wrong, good day to you funny eye patch and mustache man”

“Listen hear, I have a lot of credits and I want to spend them on a clone…I mean Klone cat. Come on, what do you say?”

“Hmmm, lotso credits you say? Let see what the Chance Cube says! Red you leave, Blue you can give me the credits and maybe I’ll see if we have a cat in stock”

The Toydarian rolls his chance cube.

“What is that???” I scream. As the Toydarian turns his head to look I flip the cube to a blue side.

“Whata you talking about, I don’t see any thing. Blue!! Hmmm, I don’t know how but you cheated! The deal is broken, you must go!”

A claming voice floats into the room “That is enough Matto. Let Alpha Three-001 stay. He and I have much to catch up since his last visit. The plan is almost complete. And nice mustache A3-001”

A3-001??? The first Batch 3 clone? But, he was killed in the “Cherry Bomb in the Toilet” incident right after we were stationed on Coruscant.

I turn and am greeted by Lemur Su, the Kaninoan responsible for the error in making Batch 3.

Back to Base to Make a Plan!

I headed back to base after my illuminating discussion with the assistance Archivist. She seemed a little stressed out by her job.

Once back at base I jumped on the Holo-Net and looked for information on Kaminoian Kat Kloning. As the Archivist stated the company seemed to be dedicated to cloning pets for the super rich. The write ups showed a successful business with a good bottom line. From what I read, the pet clones seemed to be very good, which suggest that a real Kaminian was helping make the clone. But I could not imagine any Kaminoian stooping so low as to clone pets.

This mystery is beginning to be more enigmatic, obtuse and inscrutable by the moment. (sorry, just bought a new Thesaurus and I am going to get my monies worth)

I loaded the all the information into my data pad and was ready to go when the Archivist words came back to me:

*cough,moron,cough,idiot,cough* No, not those one!!

“Oh, and I would think twice about showing up at K.K.K. wearing your white armor!”

I would need a disguise! But what?

I began to look around.

Hmmmm, what about a hat?

No good.

I could grab the "Qui-Gon" costume that one of the Batch 3 clones wore last Nabooween.

Naaa, it just doesn’t seem right.

Maybe I could go without the armor.

That will work, but now everyone will think I am Commander Cody.

Lets see…A little make up and…


No, don’t like it. How about…


No, not a good look for me. Let’s try…

Oh Yeah Baby! That’s the look for me.

OK. Off to Kaminoian Kat Kloning.