Monday, April 03, 2006

Bad Day on Guard Duty

I have been put in the brig. That’s right, arrested and tossed in the base jail. I’ve talked to Lt. Cmdr Oneida about the problem and she is looking to see what can be done.

Here’s what happened:

I was assigned guard duty at a diplomatic meeting being held here on Coruscant. This is always a good assignment: the duty is light, break time means good food and most of the diplomatic corps are a nice group (a very diplomatic group).

The downside of the assignment was I would have to work with B3-1453. He is a Batch 3, with the slight defect of being very foul mouthed. I have no idea how this moron received this assignment.

We we’re not at the door more than 5 minutes when B3-1453 starts in:

“Whoa, did you see the t**s on that Twi’lek. Dang, I’d like to f*** her”

“Boy oh boy, if I had a dog that was as ugly as that Gran, I’d shave its @ss and make it walk backwards”

“Personally, I don’t give a f*** if we have to go to war. Just give me more time to kick the S*%$ out of something”

“Hey Tak, What the f*** is your f***ing problem! You have been f***ing quite all night. I hate working with stick in the mud f***s like you!”

And so on the evening went. B3-1453 kept it up, offending the guest, annoying me to my core. Finally, I called into base to explain the problem. The watch commander told me to, and I quote “Stop whining and just deal with it.”

So I dealt with it by going over to B3-1453 and pushing him over the railing. I know, not the best way to “deal with it”, but in my defense…He was really annoying.

Turn out B3-1453 fell about 10 stories and landed on a Hutt. Both survived the incident, but B3-1453 was hurt badly enough he will be in medical for at least 10 weeks.

Finally the Lt. Cmdr come back to talk with me.

“Well Tak, They wanted to charge you with assault, battery and involuntary battery on that Hutt.”

“That doesn’t sound good for me Lt. Cmdr.” I smiled weakly

“Don’t looks so worried Tak, you know I look after my troops. It took a lot of smooth talking but I got the charges reduced. All you will have to do is pay a fine and do a little community service.”

I brighten up instantly, “That is great! Thank you for your help Lt. Cmdr! I was really sweating it.”

The Lt. Cmdr started to get up and leave.

“Lt. Cmdr” I begin to ask, “What did I get charged with in the end”

She smiles at me, “Making an obscene clone fall, what else.”


A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Oh come on, you must have know this joke was coming someday!

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...


JawaJuice said...

I can't believe I fell for that one...

Master Yoda said...

I think that punning without a license you should also be charged with! :)

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Maste Yoda: What would be my PUNishment for that? would it be Capital PUNishment? would I be put in a PUNitentiary?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Hey,if you ever get arrested, just swap places with another clone, they'll never figure it out.

Happy Mask Saleswoman said...

oh boy, here we go again.

Hey, any idea as to why all Twi`lek girls dress like hos? and often have really big boobs? even Aayla can't be bothered to cover herself up like a decent Jedi should... maybe their body temperature is too high or something.

Vampirella said...

lol AOC... ROFL

Wedge Antillies said...

I won't ask how long it took you to think that one up. (LOL)

If I had known you clones had a sense of humor I might told you a joke before I shot you out of the sky!

flu said...

*forehead slap*

Jabafatboy said...

If it was anyone else I would blasted em, but i gotta hand it to ya, that was good !!

At least ya didnt go over yer minutes

Vampirella said...

AOC was you one of the clones that I saw today on my trip to theed?

Happy Mask Saleswoman said...

I also believe he should be commended for his fantastic comic abilities here.
Good job Tak!
I would give you money but I don't think clones are supposed to be paid. Are they?

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

You could give him money, HM, they can be paid, they just aren't, b/c the Republic is cheap and not very considerate

Happy Mask Saleswoman said...

Ah. True, that is.
What would he do with it though? Go out and get drunk or something? The clones do owe like all their free time to the Republic don't they?
ooh! I know! I know! Helmet polish! Am I right? I can certainly see him buying that.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*looks at Happy Mask, sighs* yeah, I think you're completely right, if left to his own devices, he might buy more helmet polish.

Hmm, perhaps it's time to expose him to the world beyond the base exchange