Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Ask Aak and The Danger To The Republic

I have once again been assigned to cover a press conference with Senator Ask Aak. Oh what lucky clone am I. The good Senator announced the press conference as “A new plan to help save the Republic.

All the big news outlets were there: Coruscant News Network (CNN), Naboo Public Reporter (NPR), Alderaan Broadcasting Consortium (ABC) and of course FAUX New.


Senator Ask Aak begins “As you all know these are trying time for the Republic. We are witnessing great changes to the way of life we have always loved and enjoyed. But there are threats, assaulting us daily from all side. It is because of the threats to our basic ways of life that I am proposing radical legislation in the Republic Senate today.”

The reporters start in with their questions.

CNN reporter: “Are you going to propose that the Republic open negotiations with the Separatist”

ABC Reporter: “Is the Republic Senate finally got to get serious about it oversight of the Chancellor’s expanded powers?”

FAUX news reporter: “Are you declaring that Senator Cilliary Hinton is a danger to the republic and having her sent to the spice mines of Kessel?”

NPR reporter: “What?” as she stares at the FAUX News reporter.

Senator Ask Aak glares at the gathered reporters, “No, No and that’s not a bad idea. The threat to the Republic of which I speak is graver than that. I am talking about the fact that some world are thinking about letting ... Droids marry.” He gasps at his own words.

All the reporters look at each other and then at the Senator. The ABC reporter is the first to speak up, “What in the heck are you talking about?”

“Just as I thought,” roared Senator Ask Aak “you lot don’t even watch or read your own news. I have here an article for the New Coruscant Times stating that Corellian Robotics is going to, and I’ll use your own word, MARRY it technologies with Dosk Droid works. As you can clearly see, these groups are promoting Droid marriage, which I see as a great threat to the well-being of the Republic.”

The FAUX News reports shoots a question to Ask Aak, “Senator, I have just learned from a reliable source, that droid marriage is a great threat to the well-being of the Republic. Do you care to respond?” He then gives the Senator a sly thumbs up.

“See, we now have another confirmation of this terrible story.” Senator Ask Aak winks one of his eyes at the FAUX New reporter.

The NPR reporter speaks up, “Sir, don’t you think the article means that Corellian Robotics and Dosk Droids are just sharing their plans to build better droids?”

The Senator looks sad and shakes his head, “I am sure that is the Republic hating spin you will put on the story. Why do you hate the Republic so?”

The CNN Reporter starts, “Senator, don’t you think that this ….”

The Senator waves his hand and the Galactic Republic Anthem begins to play. Everyone stops and stand straight and tall.

As it anthem ends, the Senator quickly ask, “Anymore question,” a dozen hands go up “I guess not. I’ll see you all later.” Ask Aak rushes off the stage, leaving behind a confused news corp.

Epilogue: CNN, FAUX News and ABC all run stories on the perils of Droid marriage, while the NPR reporter runs a story on why she hate her job.


Local Henchmen 432 said...

This was funny, but sad. Because it's true.

Darth Nepharia said...

It's all just propoganda. Depending upon which side of the political fence you are on determines the spin you put on it.

Magdalena said...

hey guys the 21st was AOC 1st year blog bday and he didnt say


Wedge Antillies said...

Thanks, AOC, for reminding me why I fought for the New Republic, so many years ago. Today, we still ahve those views, but we don't talk about them. There is a BIG difference!

Kristi Mantoni said...

Droids marrying is a threat! Next thing you know, the toaster will want to marry the oven. Oh wait! They did that already...Toaster Oven!!

Loved it! Just as ridiculous as the real thing.

David said...

you, my friend, make the rest of the blog world look sane.

flu said...

I sure liked it when Slick Villy tossed Cillary over that infield wall right before that one boontaball game.

Professor Xavier said...

Now wait just a minute here people. Droid marriage is a serious thing. If start letting Droids get married, the next thing you know homosexuals will want to get married too. We have to draw the line somewhere.

Say no to Droid marriage!

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

David: Thanks. That is the best thing I have been told today.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I'm thinking david hasn't visited Gyrobo's site yet