I had been station with a small unit on the dessert world of Tattoine. For 30 miles in any direction was nothing but sand and hot and more sand. As were we in the middle of the “Sandstorm” season, most of our vehicles were out of commission.
After about a month, we were assigned a new Republic Officer. He was some poor junior grade who must have pissed off someone up the chain of command to get this assignment.
It was my job to show him around and answer his questions.
“So Trooper,” the Officer inquired, “How do you do patrols without vehicles? You can’t go far on foot?”
“We have been given a group of Banthas, Sir” I see his confusion; someone didn’t do his home work. “A native animal of large size, which is accustomed to the heat and used by the locals as a primary mode of transportation.”
HEARD OF BANTHA? NO. YOU DID NOT DO YOUR HOMEWORK AS WELL I SEE.
The Officer nods and we continue the tour of the outpost. Towards the end I see the Officer is trying to work up the nerve to ask a question.
“Ummm, Trooper. What about …..errrr…. well …. Companionship?” the officer asks with hesitation.
“You mean sex, sir?” I reply
He turns a little red and nods his head.
“The Troopers have to take matter in to their own hands, so to speak. But the officer can use Betty.” I explain
“Oh, I see the base has a concubine. Very good.” The Officer smiles.
I laugh “No, Sir. Betty is one of the Banthas.”
“What?!?!?! …. That’s …. What?. Your dismissed trooper” The officer barks at me, turns and storms off to the officer quarters.
At the end of the officer's first week I am on late night guard duty, when I see the young officer walking across the compound carrying a ladder. He heads into the stable and come out 20 minutes later.
“Trooper,” he hails “You know what, that Betty is not half bad. It took a while to figure out how to … well you know, but that is what the ladder was for. I think I might have another go next week.” He gives me a thumbs up.
I look at him askance and say “What you like to do is up to you Sir, but most of the other officers ride Betty into town, go to the cantina and hit on the locals.”