AMR 3: Leg 7, part duex

Tak is showing off the nightlife in loving downtown Beijing. Why is a clone from a galaxy from a far far away doing in China? The Amazing Mutant Race 3, Of course. Click here

AMR3: 7th leg- v 1.0

Come on over The Amazing Mutant Race 3 and watch Tak try his hand at deprogramming cultist. Click here

A Sweet Story

I was on patrol with a squad of Clone troopers, marching through the desert of Tatooine. We had been traveling for days, our water supply had run out, and we were on the brink of collapse.


I’VE BEEN THROUGH THE DESERT ON A DEWBACK WITH NO NAME

And then suddenly, staggering over the crest of a large sand dune, we came upon a sight that brought relief to them all - a market place, spread out over the desert. Rows of colorful stalls, with their banners flapping in the breeze. It was a Jawa encampment.

The Clone Troopers were delighted. Filled with an extra surge of energy, we ran down the dune to the market.

Arriving at the first stall, we begged the stall-holder for water.

"I'm sorry," says the stall-holder, "all I have are these delicious puddings made from jelly and sponge and with a cream topping sprinkled with little chocolates."


JUST DESSERTS?

Not to be deterred, the troopers move on to the next stall, pleading for water.

"Sorry, but I only have these bowls of pudding, made from jelly and sponge," says the man behind the counter.


DID JAWA JIN MAKE THESE?

We move on, but as we look down the rows of stalls, we could see that every single stall was selling exactly the same thing. As we move along, asking for water, we got the same response every time.

Finally, one of the stall-holders took pity on us, and told about an oasis not far away, so we leave the market, and head for the oasis.


MOVING ON

As we were leaving, I turn to one of the other troopers and say "Hmmm. That was a trifle bazaar."

AMR3: then there were 5

Come on over and see how Tak is monkeying around this week. Click here

It Is Time To Dance

GUEST POSTER: Oola: Dancer and Singer at Jabba The Hutt's Palace


TURN ON: BIG GUYS
TURN OFFS: BEING FED TO A RANCOR

The clones have invited me to be the singer/DJ at their annual dance off. I didn’t even know they danced. This should be great. I hope you like my first song, Jabba Got Back*


I like big Hutts and I can not lie
You other dancer can’t deny
That when Jabba waddles in with a itty bitty tail
And his round belly looking like a whale


WE LIKE THE NIGHTLIFE

You get sprung, wanna dance out your stuff
Cause you notice that Hut was stuffed
Deep in the G, he’s wearing
I’m hooked and can’t stop staring
Oh Jabba, I don’t want you to ignore
That I am not food for a Rancor
My home girls tried to warn me
But that sexy Hutt makes me feel so horny


DANCING OLD SCHOOL MANDOLORIAN STYLE

Ooh, Bump-o’slime-skin
You say you wanna me to bend
Well, use me, use me
‘Cause I ain’t you’re usual groupy
You’ve seen me dancin’
The heck with romancin’
I’ve got sweat and I’m wet
Chasing you like I’m a Fett
I’m tired of the holo’zines
Saying that skinny Hutts are the thing
Take the average dancer and ask her that
Hutts gotta pack much back
Jabba got back!


THAT’S THE WAY, UH HUH, WE LIKE IT.

See you at next years Clone Dance off!



*With apologies to Sir Mix A Lot

More Testing

The lastest memo from the brass

___________________________________

Memo


To: All Current and Potential Flight Personnel
From: Grand Army of the Republic Evaluation Office

Due to some recent issues with Flight Personnel, all member of the G.A.R. and The Republic Navy’s Flight team are required to complete the following evaluation test. Please return to the Evaluation office no later 48 hours after receiving this test. Do Not, repeat, Do Not send evaluation attached to a ‘flight diaper”.


1. Who of the following do you most resemble?
A. John Glenn
B. Scott Glenn
C. Glen Campbell
D. Glenn Close

2. Which of the following do you enjoy watching?
A. I Dream of Jeannie
B. CSI: Orlando
C. Desperate Housewives
D. Dog the Bounty Hunter
E. Three's Company

3. Which of the following items would you not bring on a road trip?
A. Brass knuckles
B. Teddy bear
C. Nunchaku sticks
D. Throwing stars
E. IEDs

4. Which of the following statements best describes the correct relationship between astronauts?
A. More than a working relationship, but less than a romantic one
B. More than a not-romantic relationship, but less than a body-fluid-exchanging one
C. More than a purely physical relationship, but less than one where we don't give each other enough space
D. More than having hot, steaming, bare-assed, mind-blowing sex while orbiting the Earth 250 miles above, but less than doing it on the surface of the moon

5. At the end of the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, the space ship piloted by Keir Dullea has apparently landed in a lavishly decorated parlor. Which of the following scenarios best describes to you what has happened?
A. The parlor represents the decorative ideal that the apes in the first scene were striving to articulate by clubbing each other with the jawbone.
B. Director Stanley Kubrick went totally off his nut.
C. What kind of astronaut name is "Keir Dullea," anyway? These are stupid questions. I don't have to talk to you. Leave me alone.
D. I said—leave me alone.
E. Won't listen, huh? Here, have some pepper spray.

6. When you hear the words "Houston, we have a problem," what's the first thing that comes to mind?
A. Malfunction in the retro-fire OMS rockets
B. Loss of ceramic heat-shield tiles on takeoff
C. Thruster malfunction in the reaction control system
D. Shuttle commander is attempting to boil crew member's bunny rabbit

7. A space shuttle travels at approximately 15,000 mph. A BB pellet has a velocity of about 50 feet per second. If a space shuttle were launched from Houston and a BB gun were fired simultaneously, which would hit the boyfriend-thieving bitch in the Orlando airport satellite parking lot first?

8. Complete the following sentence:
"Three—two—one …"
A. Ignition.
B. Ready or not, here I come!
C. Oh God, oh God, oh GOD, give it to me—now!
D. Roll down the window, Colleen.



* Test stolen entirely from Slate.com

AMR3: once you got it up, keep it up

Tak is helping with Fertility and building shrines on The Amazing Mutant Race 3. Click here to see what is going on.

A Cry For help?

Senator Aak Ask has called another press conference to an important “revelation”


SENATOR AAK ASK

Senator Aak Ask: I have called you all here today to address some of the rumors that have been swirling around the media. I want to let you all know the truth of the situations.

Reporter 1: What rumors? And why the truth now? *giggling form the press core*

Senator Aak Ask: You know you vultures have been circling, trying to find out about my affair with my campaign manager’s wife. I am here to admit that the rumors are true, but I only did it because I abuse Spice.

*mummers of confusion from the press* Reporter 2: Sir, didn’t that just happen to Javin Gnusun of Sa Fra’ soico? Are you just doing this as some kind of stunt?

Senator Aak Ask: No, Never. I had to get this off my chest and get into rehab. Maybe the Fetty Bord center on Alderaan?

Reporter 3: Senator, You don’t have a campaign manger, according to my records.

Reporter 2: Isn’t that the rehab center that Lisney Low Han is currently attending?

Senator Aak Ask: Uhhh, I meant I had a Spice induced rage that caused me to fight with the Coruscant Security Force. I told them I thought that the Wookies were the cause of all the wars in the Galaxy and called an officer Sugar thighs. I am a sick man, in need to goring to the Fetty Bord rehab center.

Reporter 1: That wasn’t you. That was Krell Gebbsun, the director of “The Passion of The Force”

Senator Aak Ask: *becoming agitated* “How about I wrote inappropriate Comm messages to youngling at the temple? Or I may have had an affair with this clone trooper and made him give me Spice!”

The reporters all turn to me and I shake my head ‘No’. The reporters start packing up and leaving.

Senator Aak Ask is still ranting “No, No don’t leave. You al have to report on my Spice addiction and my need to get into that rehab center. They only take famous people who get time on the Holo-net. Come on people! How else am I supposed to get to meet Ms. Low Han?"

Once again I am reminded of why I prefer battle duty.

AMR3: interlude part 2

What dark secretes are being expose on the Amazing Mutant Race 3 Click here for part 2

AMR3: interlude part 1

What dark secretes are being expose on the Amazing Mutant Race 3 Click here for part 1

AMR3: Leg 6 part 2

Amazing Mutant Race 3: Tak battle giants in a game of cards. Click here

AMR3. Leg 6

Amazing Mutant Race 3: Tak get to drink with the gods. Click here

Lastest News

Whoo Hooo, I got quoted in the Coruscant Times. Check out the news article.
****


Naboo Security Officer Arrested in Love Triangle.

Coruscant -

A Naboo Bodyguard accused of trying to kidnap a romantic rival for a space shuttle pilot's affections will remain in jail because authorities planned to charge her with attempted first-degree murder, an official said Tuesday.

Coruscant jail spokesman Aleike Norbee said Coruscant Security Forces were in the process of adding the more serious charge that Sabé, 23, tried to kill the woman.


File Photo: SABE’ ON THE JOB

Local Magistrate Ben Farwar had earlier said Sabe could be released on 15,500 cr bond provided she stay away from the other woman and wear a monitoring device.

Sabe’, a Naboo captain and Body Double for the former Queen, stood in a jail uniform during the hearing, looking down. She already faced charges including attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery.

Naboo Security chief, Captain Typho said he was "perplexed" by Sabe's actions.

Security Forces said Sabe flew from Naboo, donned a disguise and was armed with a toy blaster and pepper spray when she confronted a woman she believed was a competitor for the affections of Bailt Oefebacca, an shuttle pilot who she flew with once.


SHUTTLE PILOT OEFEBACCA

Oefebacca, 141, said he and Sabe trained together but never flew a mission together. (What he really said was “Rawwhra Grewwa Koallll hurrrrrr!”)

Sabe told Security forces that her relationship with Oefebacca was "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to an arrest affidavit. Security forces found a love letter to Oefebacca in her shuttle.

According to Trooper TK 266, who was involved in the arrest, Sabe believed another woman was romantically involved with Oefebacca. “Yeah, she was a little whacked out and crazed” TK-266 was quoted

Sabe will be held without bail until a hearing next week