Thursday, February 15, 2007

More Testing

The lastest memo from the brass

___________________________________

Memo


To: All Current and Potential Flight Personnel
From: Grand Army of the Republic Evaluation Office

Due to some recent issues with Flight Personnel, all member of the G.A.R. and The Republic Navy’s Flight team are required to complete the following evaluation test. Please return to the Evaluation office no later 48 hours after receiving this test. Do Not, repeat, Do Not send evaluation attached to a ‘flight diaper”.


1. Who of the following do you most resemble?
A. John Glenn
B. Scott Glenn
C. Glen Campbell
D. Glenn Close

2. Which of the following do you enjoy watching?
A. I Dream of Jeannie
B. CSI: Orlando
C. Desperate Housewives
D. Dog the Bounty Hunter
E. Three's Company

3. Which of the following items would you not bring on a road trip?
A. Brass knuckles
B. Teddy bear
C. Nunchaku sticks
D. Throwing stars
E. IEDs

4. Which of the following statements best describes the correct relationship between astronauts?
A. More than a working relationship, but less than a romantic one
B. More than a not-romantic relationship, but less than a body-fluid-exchanging one
C. More than a purely physical relationship, but less than one where we don't give each other enough space
D. More than having hot, steaming, bare-assed, mind-blowing sex while orbiting the Earth 250 miles above, but less than doing it on the surface of the moon

5. At the end of the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, the space ship piloted by Keir Dullea has apparently landed in a lavishly decorated parlor. Which of the following scenarios best describes to you what has happened?
A. The parlor represents the decorative ideal that the apes in the first scene were striving to articulate by clubbing each other with the jawbone.
B. Director Stanley Kubrick went totally off his nut.
C. What kind of astronaut name is "Keir Dullea," anyway? These are stupid questions. I don't have to talk to you. Leave me alone.
D. I said—leave me alone.
E. Won't listen, huh? Here, have some pepper spray.

6. When you hear the words "Houston, we have a problem," what's the first thing that comes to mind?

A. Malfunction in the retro-fire OMS rockets
B. Loss of ceramic heat-shield tiles on takeoff
C. Thruster malfunction in the reaction control system
D. Shuttle commander is attempting to boil crew member's bunny rabbit

7. A space shuttle travels at approximately 15,000 mph. A BB pellet has a velocity of about 50 feet per second. If a space shuttle were launched from Houston and a BB gun were fired simultaneously, which would hit the boyfriend-thieving bitch in the Orlando airport satellite parking lot first?

8. Complete the following sentence:
"Three—two—one …"
A. Ignition.
B. Ready or not, here I come!
C. Oh God, oh God, oh GOD, give it to me—now!
D. Roll down the window, Colleen.



* Test stolen entirely from Slate.com

27 comments:

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Due to some recent issues with Flight Personnel, all member of the G.A.R. and The Republic Navy’s Flight team are required to complete the following evaluation test. Please return to the Evaluation office no later 48 hours after receiving this test. Do Not, repeat, Do Not send evaluation attached to a ‘flight diaper”.


1. Who of the following do you most resemble?
A. John Glenn
B. Scott Glenn
C. Glen Campbell
D. Glenn Close

(none of the above)

2. Which of the following do you enjoy watching?
A. I Dream of Jeannie
B. CSI: Orlando
C. Desperate Housewives (X)
D. Dog the Bounty Hunter
E. Three's Company

3. Which of the following items would you not bring on a road trip?
A. Brass knuckles
B. Teddy bear (X)
C. Nunchaku sticks
D. Throwing stars
E. IEDs

4. Which of the following statements best describes the correct relationship between astronauts?
A. More than a working relationship, but less than a romantic one
B. More than a not-romantic relationship, but less than a body-fluid-exchanging one
C. More than a purely physical relationship, but less than one where we don't give each other enough space
D. More than having hot, steaming, bare-assed, mind-blowing sex while orbiting the Earth 250 miles above, but less than doing it on the surface of the moon (X)

5. At the end of the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, the space ship piloted by Keir Dullea has apparently landed in a lavishly decorated parlor. Which of the following scenarios best describes to you what has happened?
A. The parlor represents the decorative ideal that the apes in the first scene were striving to articulate by clubbing each other with the jawbone.
B. Director Stanley Kubrick went totally off his nut. (X)
C. What kind of astronaut name is "Keir Dullea," anyway? These are stupid questions. I don't have to talk to you. Leave me alone.
D. I said—leave me alone.
E. Won't listen, huh? Here, have some pepper spray.

6. When you hear the words "Houston, we have a problem," what's the first thing that comes to mind?
A. Malfunction in the retro-fire OMS rockets
B. Loss of ceramic heat-shield tiles on takeoff
C. Thruster malfunction in the reaction control system
D. Shuttle commander is attempting to boil crew member's bunny rabbit (x)

7. A space shuttle travels at approximately 15,000 mph. A BB pellet has a velocity of about 50 feet per second. If a space shuttle were launched from Houston and a BB gun were fired simultaneously, which would hit the boyfriend-thieving bitch in the Orlando airport satellite parking lot first?

Hopefully the shuttle- it would do more damage.

8. Complete the following sentence:
"Three—two—one …"
A. Ignition.
B. Ready or not, here I come!
C. Oh God, oh God, oh GOD, give it to me—now! (X)
D. Roll down the window, Colleen.



uh you better not be showingthis to Lord Vader...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I think I failed the test.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Based on Merlyn answers to 2, 4, and 8, I think she need to spend time being de-briefed by a certain clone trooper. ;)

Chelle A. said...

hmmm , I'm pretty sure I flunked!

Here via Michele,

Chelle

Private Hudson said...

Crash and burn, baby! yeeeee haww!

Darth Nepharia said...

"7. A space shuttle travels at approximately 15,000 mph. A BB pellet has a velocity of about 50 feet per second. If a space shuttle were launched from Houston and a BB gun were fired simultaneously, which would hit the boyfriend-thieving bitch in the Orlando airport satellite parking lot first?"

They don't launch from Houston....they launch from Cape Canaveral in Florida.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Yeah I failed that one... I think. LOL!

Skywalker said...

Three—two—one Ready or not, here I come!

Yeah thats me!

alex said...

I resemble none.
I enjoy I Dream of Jeannie.
I would not bring Nunchaku sticks cos I can't use them.
No idea.
Director Stanley Kubrick went totally off his nut.
Shuttle commander is attempting to boil crew member's bunny rabbit.
The shuttle, dear God, the SHUTTLE!
Ready or not, here I come!

I think Im slightly weirded out by the fact that you know I'm on the 4th floor of my office building! Thanks for visiting! :)

Joe said...

Interesting test.

Here via Michele.

Florence said...

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God that was funny! :D

xx

Jean-Luc Picard said...

The Starfleet Entrance Exam is a lot like this....actually it IS this!

surcie said...

At the sight of the word "test," I hyperventilated and passed out.

surcie said...

www.surcie.typepad.com

PI said...

Hi Michele sent me! As I am an Englidsh 'laydee', not all the terms are within my cognisance, but well done and carry on!

Gyrobo said...

What's a "memo?"

Janejill said...

I don't like flying.
In fact , I have a Fear of Flying.....

Janejill said...

I aslo have a terrible memory ...Michelle sent me

Merlyn Gabriel said...

TAK, ...tsk tsk tsk...

*evil wink*

utenzi said...

Do Shuttle Commanders really cook bunnies on board? I mean really...although when you think about it, Tang must get boring after a while.

Michele sent me, AOC.

Carmi said...

The shuttle flies 17,500 mph when it's in orbit, and I don't ever remember them launching anything from Houston except for really bad movies.

Where's my diaper?

:)

IndyPindy said...

Interesting blog! Here via Michele's.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Congrats to both Darth Nepharia and Carmi who spotted the trick math question (number 7)

Utenzi: Maybe instead of MRE (meals ready to eat) they have MRR (meals ready for revenge) on the shuttle.

Alex: No reason to be freaked out it was just a .... Your hair is a little messy, you should run a brush through it ... some kind of a strange good guess.

Bob-kat said...

LOL -cool quiz :-)

Michele sent me.

Captain Typho said...

which would hit the boyfriend-thieving bitch in the Orlando airport satellite parking lot first?

ROFL!

jin said...

C. Oh God, oh God, oh GOD, give it to me—now!

That'd be my answer to pretty much everything in general!
;-)

carli said...

Same as high school
I answer "C" for everything.