I am shaken awake by a clone trooper, who keeps saying “TK-266, you have that appointment at 10:00 hours at the Jedi Temple.”
I look at the chronometer on the wall. 09:15. I crawl out of bed, still buzzed from the night before. I can remember most of the evening, right up to the point we started a drinking contest with the Corellian marines. Then things start to get fuzzy, about as fuzzy as my tongue feels.
I make it to the Jedi Temple in time to report to the BDA (beer drinkers anonymous) meeting room. I take a set and wait for a few minutes. I hear the door open and someone shuffle in to the room. I also hear the familiar tap of a cane.
“General Yoda, Sir! It is good to see you.” I say as I stand and salute.
MASTER YODA, BUT WHY.
“Good to see you trooper …”he looks at the data pad “…TK-266. call me General, you need not. Your councilor, I am.”
He looks at me and then nod for me to sit down. “Problem you have with ….” He lifts his hand in a drinking motion and makes a ‘Glug, Glug” noise.
“I have an alleged ‘glug glug’ problem, Sir” I respond.
“And causes problems, this glug glug does?” Master Yoda asked.
“Uhh, no, at least not for me.”
“Hmmmm, See thought you I can. A problem for Commander Badburns, maybe?”
“Maybe. Hey why are you counseling clone troopers? Don’t you have galaxy to save or something better to do with your time?” I try to change the subject.
“Humpph! Community service I was given. Drive to slow in the slow lane, they say. Leaving blinker on for 3,894 miles, against the law it is. Contempt of court, giving Judge force wedgies are.” Master Yoda says with exasperation. “Getting you off the booze, we must return to now.”
Master Yoda looks at me intently and motions towards me.
SEE THOUGH YOU HE CAN
“Much beer I sense in you. Beer is the path to the drunk side. Beer leads to inebriation, inebriation leads to hangovers, hangovers...lead to suffering." I am told in a whisper of a voice.
“That’s not a problem. Clones have Mandolorian blood lines. We don’t get hangover. Just really fuzzy morning.” I reply.
“Know this I did not. But does not change the problems of beer. Beer is the path to the dark side. Beer leads to drunkeness. Drunkeness leads to beer goggles. Beer goggles leads to dirty women. Once you get a dirty woman in your jock, forever will she dominate your destiny.” Yoda intones
“What?!?!?!?!” did you just say ‘dirty girl on your jock’? Are Jedi even allowed to talked like that?”
“Keeping my slang fresh I must or hip I will not be.” The Jedi master informs me.
“At your age, I don’t think any of your slang will ever be considered “Fresh”.” I tell Yoda
“See if street creds you have, when 900 years old you are. Be –yach!” Yoda snaps at me.
Not wanting to get Force pushed around the room, I turn the conversation back to why I am here, “I don’t think I have to worry about beer goggles, I can handle a night on the town with the guys. The have my six.”
“Oh, Like the time waking up you were that the Rodian. An eye-patch and no hair she had. Quite the catch, was she?” Master Yoda smiles.
“Uhhh ….., ummmmm….. ah … I don’t know what you are talking about.” I stammer
RITA? HONEST' I LOST YOUR NUMBER
“Sit and mediate on the danger of coyote ugly, with me. Work more on your ‘glug glug’ problem, we will.” Master Yoda orders.
I sit, still myself and wonder how the rest of the session is going to go.