He has an Elvis look
“TK-266 due to your involvement in the drunken vandalism incident…”
“Alleged drunken vandalism incident, Sir” I interrupted.
“… ALLEGED my foot.” Badburns harrumphed “I know it was you, I just can’t prove it”
This was turning into a bad version of Ferris Buller.
Badburns continued “Due to the incident and the known drinking, I have recommended you for counseling/reconfiguration. I wanted to have you sent back to Kamino to be “fixed”, but have been told by High Command that it is not going to happen. Instead it has been decided that you must receives substance abuse counseling from a local source.”
I stand still, dumbfounded behind my helmet. I don’t abuse any substance, I just use them to the fullest of their abilities.
“It seems …” Badburns spat out “that the Jedi have taken a liking to the Clone Troopers and have several programs to help them. You have been assigned to a Jedi, who will council you on your problem. Report to the temple tomorrow at 10:00 hours. And take this brochure on the program.”
I salute and leave the office. Badburns calls after me “And if you fail the program, I’ll see that you are sent to the Outer Rim War Front” Great now this is sounding like a Hogan Hero’s episode.
I look over the pamphlet Badburns gave me:
Six Steps to a Better Life or How the Force Can Help!
1: Come to believe that the Force is greater than ourselves and could restore us to balance
2: Do or Do not a searching and fearless inventory of one self, there is no try.
3: Once you start down the dark beer path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consumed you it will, as you consumed the dark beer.
4: Be entirely ready to beware of the dark side of mixed drinks.
5: If you choose the quick and easy path, you will become an agent of drunkenness.
6: Your ally is the Force. A powerful ally it is to stop you from boozing.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day.