Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Womp Rats, Jawas and Spies Oh My

I was on patrol on Tattoine, when I saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style Mud Hut:

Talking Womp Rat for Sale

I hop out of my rig, bang on the door and a Jawa appears and tells me the Womp Rat is in the back. I go into the back and see a ugly looking Womp Rat sitting there.

womprat
BUT CAN HE CONVERSE OR IS HE JUST A LIMBAUGH

"You talk?" I asks.

"Yep," the Womp Rat replies.

After I recover from the shock of hearing a Womp Rat talk, I ask "So, what's your story?"

The Womp Rat looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Chancellor and he had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services ... The Grand Army of The Republic... You know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Rats."

In no time at all they had me jetting from planet to planet, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a Womp Rat would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger.

So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the G.A.R (8 Womp Rat years is 56 G.A.R years) and signed up for a job at the spaceport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a litter of baby Womps, and now I'm just retired."

I was amazed. I go back in and ask the Jawa what he wants for the Womp Rat.

"Ten Credits," the Jawa says.

"Ten Credits? This Rat is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that crap. He was in the Republic Navy!"

72 comments:

SHI said...

a lying womp rat still worth 10 credits I suppose

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I can't believe that he lied to you like that. After you went out on a limb and trusted him like that. I bet this really leaves you sour on womp rats, huh?

Professor Xavier said...

Typical. Those beedy eyes should have been a give-away.

Jawa Juice said...

I told you you should just let sleazy rats lie.

captain koma said...

Womp Rat
Is life getting you down?
I said Womp Rat
pick yourself off the ground.
I said Womp Rat
'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Womp Rat
there's a place you can go.
I said, Womp Rat
when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there,
and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

Oh CARP!

I meant to do "In the Navy"

ugh!

Fluke Starbucker said...

well done, Koma.

Sounds like the womp rat doesn't even have the self worth of ten credits.

He should be paying you just for listening.

Hotstuff said...

how is this Koma

Don't you see we can't do combats
In the navy
Come on, protect our dessert rats
In the navy
Come on and fight the clone cats
In the navy
Come on GAR, and make more vats
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

If you like it easy
and fighting makes you queazy
fins a recruiting office fast
Don't you hesitate
There is no need to wait
They're signing up new Womps fast
Just learn how to lie
no need to die
That is what these clones are for
we can always make some more
Glory to the navy
relaxing on land and sea

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now Womps, watch the clones die
In the navy, in the navy
you can tell a simple lie
In the navy
the clones acted out your story
In the navy
Come on, why not take all the glory

In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

Who me?

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

But, but, but I'm afraid of the Empire.
Hey, hey look
Man, I hear Clones are Dray!

They want you, they want you in the navy

Oh my goodness.
What am I gonna do with a Bantha?

They want you, they want you in the navy

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Hot Stuff Song Rocks!!!!

Dak-Ind said...

HAHAHAHAHA!

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