Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A Collection Of Knock Knock Jokes as told by Star Wars Folks.

Knock KnockWho's there?
Aiwha.Aiwha who?
Aiwhant to just take a minute of your time -- and give you a demonstration of an astounding leap forward in vacuum technology. Yes, friend, I'm talking about the GalactiVac 4000...

Count Dooku
Knock knock.
Who's there?

Jar Jar
Knock Knock
Who's There?
DishesDishes Who?
Dishes me, whois you?

Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Art Who?
(yes, Jon, this is a recycled joke)

"Knock, knock!
Who's There?
I'm sorry, I can't hear you!"


Thank you , Thank you. The show is over, please go on about your business.

* Call number of the trooper Luke impersonated on the Deathstar

Monday, November 27, 2006

You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard ??

While suffering a Thanksgiving Day sleep induced food coma, I had strange visions of the future. I kept seeing a large asthmatic man in a black suit. It was strange and eerie. But the strangest part was my final vision before I was woken up by E775 so I could watch the big game.

vader vet

What can it mean?

Saturday, November 25, 2006

I Need Some Tums

Whoa! It is 2 days after Thanksgiving and I am still having trouble fitting into my armor.

Need to eat less stuffing and pie next year.

after thanksgiving

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving

Just a short note to say Happy Thanksgiving to all my blog friends.

After I get the Turkey taken care of, we can eat.

May the Fowl Be With You!!

star war thanksgiving

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Hoth Cones and Pik Sacks

Once again I was stationed on a bass ackward system in the outer rim. My unit was assigned to Port security. The normal stuff; help the local get the smuggling under control, keep an eye out for separatist and keep the Republic safe.

The only issue I had with the whole assignment was a Hoth Cone vender in the port. “Mac’s Hoth Cones” did a good business. The main problem was the owner, a Zabrak named Mac, would not shut up.

Mac the Talker

Everytime we patroled by his shop he would start chatting us up: “Wow, it must be great to see the galaxey like you guys, I think it going to be hot today, so is that armor hard to clean,” and on and on. E775 started callign him Chatty Mac, which I did not find as funny as E775 did.

One day a group of Krogs landed in the space port. Now Krog are good being, but on their homeworld they do not use Credits, only barter. One Krog approached the Hoth Cone Stand and tried to trade a pik sack (which is a very nice small sack woven out of Pik fur – expensive and durable.)

A Krog

Well, right away Mac Start to tell the Krog, it is 5 cr and he doesn’t want what every the Krog is trying to give him. Finally he yells “What the heck is that thing anyways?”

So I say “It is a Pik sack, Chatty Mac, so give the Krog a Cone!”

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Vader's Van

Darth Vader called ...

He is pissed ...

He wanted to know who pimped his van …


vader van

Saturday, November 18, 2006

After The Elections Press Conference (part 2)

The Press conference continues…


Q: Senator Ask Aak, about the race in Pixelito.

Senator Ask Aak: I'm glad you brought that up, Terry. Pixelito is the central front in this war. It's going to take a long time, but I'm confident we will succeed there. And the reason I'm confident we'll succeed is because Gran want to succeed. A defeat there—if we were to withdraw before the job is done, it would embolden extremists. The only way we lose in Pixelito is if we leave before the job is done.

Q: But, Sir, your candidate there, Sen. Talk Taar, has conceded.

Senator Ask Aak: Well, we have our differences with Sen. Talk Taar from time to time. He's a good man. In this case, I just think he's wrong. We're confident we can achieve the mission there. Jessica.

Q: Senator Ask Aak, I'm not sure I understand your position here. The election's over.

Senator Ask Aak: Look, I understand here in Coruscant, some people say it's over. I know that. They're just wrong in my opinion. The enemy still wants to strike us. The enemy still wants to achieve safe haven from which to plot and plan. And we must do everything we can to protect the Malastarian people, including questioning detainees, or listening to their phone calls from outside the country to inside the country.

Q: I'm sorry, Sir. Do you mean, listen to the Dugs' Holo calls?
Senator Ask Aak: Only if one party is outside the country. Our lawyers have vetted this. David.

Q: Senator Ask Aak, how do you plan to deal with the Malatarian Congress you'll be facing when your party vacates its majorities in the Upper and Lower next January? What issues and proposals will you put on the table?

Senator Ask Aak: I'm sorry, David, I just don't accept your premise. This notion of, you know, a fixed timetable of withdrawal—I can't accept that. That's defeat. Withdrawing on an artificial timetable means we lose. You can't leave until the job is done.

Q: Sir, it's in the Malstarian Constitution. You have to leave office if you're voted out.

Senator Ask Aak: (to an aide) Dick Daak, is that true?

Dick Daak, The Senator’s right hand man: We're working on it, Senator Ask Aak. There'll be some changes to that in the conference report with regard to the new Separatist surveillance provisions. But for now, yes.

Senator Ask Aak: Well, we'll get back to you on that, David. Listen, thank you all. See you on the campaign trail.

Many of the reporters just wandered away, looking confused.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

After Election Press Conference (part 1)

Once again I am assigned to The Senior Senator from Malastare. Senator Ask Aak is holding a press conference to discuses his parties’ political losses on Malastare

Senator Ask Ask

Senator Ask Aak: And now I'll be glad to answer some of your questions. Mike.

Q: Senator Ask Aak, about the Dugs' victory in last week’s elections—

Senator Ask Aak: Now, wait a minute, Mike. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I wouldn't be calling it a victory just yet.

Q: Well, sir, terminology aside, the Dugs have captured the lower House—

Senator Ask Aak: See, that's what I mean. Getting ahead of ourselves. As though the enemy has already won.

Q: The enemy, sir?

Senator Ask Aak: Well, not exactly the enemy. I just mean their sympathizers here at home. The enemy here. You know, the Dugs.

Q: Ah. OK. Well, to get back to the point, Sir, the Dugs did win the election—

Senator Ask Aak: Define "win."

Q: Well, they won the House. And if the returns hold true in Eastern Malastare and Pixelito —

Senator Ask Aak: See, that's what I'm talking about. Just because the enemy has been able to make some progress doesn't mean you cut and run. Quite the contrary; we ought to do everything we can to help prevent them from making progress. And that is what our strategy is. Elaine.

Q: Senator Ask Aak, the Faux News Network has called Pixelito for your opponents. You're down several thousand votes in Eastern Malastare. You're down, what, a dozen seats, at least, in the House. Why fight on? What do you hope to achieve?

Senator Ask Aak: This notion of cut and run, I just don't accept that, Elaine. Look, this is a conflict between a radical ideology that can't stand freedom, and moderate, reasonable people that hope to live in a peaceful society. I'm confident in our mission because I believe in the power of liberty. We have a plan for victory, and we will succeed. Jim.

Q: Sir, with all due respect, I'm confused. What exactly did you achieve in this election? Can you name a state where your party picked up seats in either the Upper or Lower House?

Senator Ask Aak: Look, this is a hard fight, no question about it. But I believe that the strategy we have is going to work. We're building a Gran majority that can sustain itself, govern itself, and defend itself. I have great faith in our commanders on the ground to give the best advice about how to achieve victory. We're giving them the confidence necessary to come and make the right recommendations here in Malastare. We'll give them the flexibility necessary to make the tactical changes to achieve victory. And so we've made changes, we'll continue to make changes. But we have the right strategy and the tactics necessary to achieve that goal. Terry.

(To Be Continued)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


A news Update from CGN (the Clone Gossip Network)

Alderaan - Pandme Spears is saying bye-bye to A-Fed.

The pop princess, Pandme Spears, filed for divorce Tuesday from her husband, former backup dancer and aspiring rapper from Tatooine, Anakin Federline.

The Alderaan Superior Court filing cited "irreconcilable differences and the boy can’t sing."

Spears, 28, married Federline, 20, two years ago in a quite (secrete) ceremony on the Moon of Deagobah. Spears is suspected of being pregnant with twins or she has just gone off her diet.

Spears' attorney, Nobail Organa, stated “Ms. Spears was tired of living with a no talent, whiny, momma’s boy.”

Her marriage provided endless fodder for tabloids, which speculated frequently that the union was in trouble.

afed and spears

Federline's attorney, JJ the Jawa, issued the following statement. “While Mr. A-Fed has been out making the Republic safe for white rapper everywhere, his wife has done nothing but mock his career. I have known this boy from his day back in the trailer parks of Tatooine. He is good people. All he wants from this separation, and it is Ms. Spears who is being the Separatist here, is fair compensation for his sacrifices in the marriage. Oh and he wants her to pay for a vacation to Mustafar”

When asked if he was even a real lawyer, JJ yell “look Pamala Glanderson” and ran away.

In an interview with The Associated Press two weeks ago, Federline had nothing but praise for Spears.

"Her influence on me has been really big," he said. "She's a strong woman and she knows what she wants out of life and that helps build a strong man. I look up to you, baby."

In the divorce papers, which do not mention a prenuptial agreement, Spears asks for custody of the couple's droids, with visitation rights for A-Fed.