WWBV - the game show

Happing now on ‘WHO WANT TO BE A VILLAIN”

The Henchman just keeps shaking his head.

I try to break the silence “So do I sing Ice Ice Baby now? I've been practicing my Running Man dance.” .....



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Be careful how you say things ...

One of the more mind numbing and annoying assignment a Trooper can get is guard duty at the Republic Senate building.

The problems with the assignment are two-fold: having to talk to people all day and having to deal with the Senator from all over the galaxy.

It is bad enough having the deal with Senator Ask Aak, but deal with the lot of them all at once can be damaging to ones psyche. Here are examples from a typical day.

*************

AOC: Good day Senator Balkie. Hope the transport in was not to bad.

Senator Balkie: No, it was fine *begins to walk through the detector*

AOC: Senator, you forgot to slide you ID card through the slot *turns off the alarm*

Senator Balkie: Ha Ha, I do that a lot, I am getting forgetful at my age. *begins to slide the card wrong*

AOC: Turn the card over … no not that way …. The magnetic strip has to face me ….No turn the strip down …. No, strip down facing me …..Ahhhhh my eyes … that is not what I meant!!!!!











Sen.Balkie in the buff

After washing my eyes with Hydrogen Peroxide for an hour I was back to work.

I see Senator Lairee K-Reg move over to my line.

AOC: Good day Senator K-Reg. How was the flight in from Induomodo?


Sen. K-Reg and his wide stance on the issues.

Senator K-Reg: It was just awful, with the exception of the stop over on Mimban. Great restrooms there.

AOC: Uhhh, Yeah.

Senator K-Reg: Did you know TK-266, that TK is a common middle name on Indumodo?

AOC: No, Sir I did not.

Senator K-Reg: Any chance you are part Imdumodoian?

AOC: No Sir, I don’t think so.

Senator K-Reg: Maybe you have a little Indumodoina in you? What do you think?

AOC: I do not believe so, sir.

Senator K-Reg: *leaning in close* would you like to have a little Indumdoian in you? *he winks*

AOC: *sighs* Senator, for the 37th time, no.

********************


I wish I was killing droids.

Don't Ask Aak, Don't Tell

Once again I have been assigned to Senator Ask Aak's detail. This assignment did not seem to be too bad. It turns out that the Senator is an avid, but lousy hunter. Every year he travels to different world with his hunting buddy to try and bag some big game.


MY FAVORITE BIG LAME HUNTER (Sen. Aak)

Senator Ask Aak informed me that he and his buddy will be hunting Krayt Dragons on Tattoine. They had a successful hunt on the planet several years ago. My job will be to pilot the two “hunters” around planet side.

We head out into the Dune Sea, traveling for several days. Senator Ask Aak finally tells me to set down in a barren valley that he remembers from his last trip.

I set up a base camp at the skiff, while the Senator and his buddy head off into the desert. I spend a peaceful two day on my own (only contemplating leaving the Senator to perish in the Dune Sea once or twice).


JUST FRACKING KRAYT

I get a com call to come pick-up the Senator. As I land at the site I see a massive Krayt Dragon and both men with big smiles.

We begin to load the dead beast on to the skiff, but I start to get worried about the weight of the beast.

“Senator, I don’t think we can take this thing out of here on the skiff. It is just too big.” I explain

The Senator’s buddy replies, "Look the pilot told us the same thing last time, but in the end we took out a Krayt bigger then this one."

All three of us argued for several minutes more. I finally gave up and agreed to fly everything out.We load up the Krayt and fire up the skiff.

The skiff shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the off the ground. We are flying low and I try to pull the skiff higher to get out of the valley and crash into a large sand dune.

The three of us, dazed and confused, make there way out of the wreckage.

I look at the two of then and snap, "Where the heck are we?"

The Senator looks around, "About half a mile further than we got last time!"

Womp Rats, Jawas and Spies Oh My

I was on patrol on Tattoine, when I saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style Mud Hut:

Talking Womp Rat for Sale

I hop out of my rig, bang on the door and a Jawa appears and tells me the Womp Rat is in the back. I go into the back and see a ugly looking Womp Rat sitting there.


BUT CAN HE CONVERSE OR IS HE JUST A LIMBAUGH

"You talk?" I asks.

"Yep," the Womp Rat replies.

After I recover from the shock of hearing a Womp Rat talk, I ask "So, what's your story?"

The Womp Rat looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Chancellor and he had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services ... The Grand Army of The Republic... You know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Rats."

In no time at all they had me jetting from planet to planet, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a Womp Rat would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger.

So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the G.A.R (8 Womp Rat years is 56 G.A.R years) and signed up for a job at the spaceport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a litter of baby Womps, and now I'm just retired."

I was amazed. I go back in and ask the Jawa what he wants for the Womp Rat.

"Ten Credits," the Jawa says.

"Ten Credits? This Rat is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that crap. He was in the Republic Navy!"

Beer is good

I was in a Cantina on Coruscant. I walk up to the bar at the same moment that a Senator and a Jawa approached.

Simultaneously, all three of us ordered a beer. The bartender let out a little laugh and then pours three drafts.

As we get our beers, we all notice bugs floating in the foam.


It is doing the breast stroke?

The Senator wrinkles his nose, pushes his beer away and says “Bartender, what kind of establishment are you running. I am appalled.

I snort my displeasure at the Senator, flick the fly out of the beer, slam it down in one go and mutter “pansy”

Meanwhile the Jawa snatches up fly, begins to smack the fly on the back, while screaming “SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT”

51 Days Later ...

I was on leave and relaxing on Corellia. While me and several other Troopers were enjoying some Ale at a local tavern, when the door burst open in come four exuberant Corellian Marines.

They go to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. After getting their order over, they sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"


GUESS THEY DON’T HAVE THAT WHOLE “NO FACIAL HAIR” RULE

Soon four more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally the last two Marine comes in, one with a picture under his arm. He walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

I can't contain my curiosity any longer, so I walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle. The frenzy dies down as I approach and ask asks one of the Marines, "What’s all the chanting and celebration about?"

The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that the Corellian Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."


MAN, THESE GUYS ARE LAMER THAN I THOUGHT.

The Ooteeni Tour

Senator Ask Aak was on a goodwill tour of the Outer Rim and stopped on Tattoine. As Usual I am performing security duty for the Senator.


SENATOR ASK AAK – GIVING GOODWILL

Our first stop was a Bantha farm run by Jawas. The Senator was a little surprised to hear that Jawas were into ranching, being that Jawas are know for being scrape dealers. I informed him that Jawas are involved in many economic pursuits and before he asked clued him in that not all Jawas were Dray.


FARMING AND NOT DRAY

Once some of the Jawas had gathered around, Senator Ask Aak began his goodwill speech.

“My Friends, I stand here today to bring you greeting from the Republic. We want to expand the goodness of the Republic to worlds like yours, so as to enrich all of our lives.”

The Jawas erupt into cheers of “Ooteeni, Ooteeni!!”

The Senator continues, pleased by the cheers “Working together we can bring forth peace and prosperity to the Galaxy …”

More cheers “Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni!”

“And you my little droid loving friends will be at the forefront of our thought as we more towards this Glorious future!” Senator Ask Aak thunders on

“Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni, Ooteeni” the Jaws thunder back.


TAKING THE BANTHA TOUR

After the speech we tehn take a tour of the Bantha Ranch. As we wander through one of the sand “pastures” I warn the Senator “Watch out that you don’t step in any of the Ooteeni or you’ll never get that smell of your shoes.”

Wookie Droppings

I was stationed on the Wookie home world of Kashyyyk. The place is a jungle and the Wookie live in grass and wood home built high in the trees.


WATCH OUT FOR WOOKIE DROPPINGS

In the area I was patrolling there were several Wookie clans that have been fighting each other. One of their customs when they beat another tribe was to take the most prized possession of the enemy's chief.

After a particularly fierce fight a rich clan was defeated. The cheif of the defeated clan had a prized solid gold throne.


LOOKS MORE LIKE AN EWOK THROWN

The winning clan took the throne, and put it in the loft in their chief’s house. Unfortunately, the throne was much too heavy to be kept in a home build of grass and wood, and it fell right through the platform, falling 250 feet onto the chief, killing him instantly.

My squad was called into the Wookie’s village to check out the problem and make an assessment.


MAKING MY REPORT

After reviewing all the facts I called my commander and told him the bottom line was people who live in Grass Houses shouldn't stow thrones

I Missed This Night At The Bar

An Abyssin walked in to a cantina, ordered an Ol’ Mos Elsey beer. After drinking it down in one gulp, He turns to the crowd and says “I’m the toughest SOB you loser will ever see. You have better watch out or you may just lose you life.”


HE HAS ALL THE MAKINGS OF AN ASS IN HIS NAME.

The rest of the Cantina stares for a moment, then goes back to their drinking.

The Abyssin walks over to a Bith and shouts “Who’s the toughest guy in this stinkin’ joint!!”

Terrified the Bith stutter “You are, mighty warrior.”


HAD THE BITH SCARED OUT OF HIM.

Next the Abyssin grabs a Rodin by the collar and barks “Who is the toughest guy in the rat hole of a bar!”

The Rodin, shaking in his boots whimpers, “Oh Sir, you are the toughest being here.”


FEELING A LITTLE BLUE AFTER HIS ENCOUNTER WITH THE BULLY

Finally the Abyssin swaggers over to a wookie and bellow “Who is the toughest Mo-Fo in the junky little cantina!’

Fast as lightning, the Wookie snatches up the Abyssin by his legs, slams him against a table half a dozen times leaving the Abyssin feeling like he’d been run over by a space freighter. The Wookie then stomps on the Abyssin till it looks like a tortilla, finishes his drink and ambles away.


ALL HE WANTED WAS A DRINK AND A FLEA BATH

The Abyssin lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the Wookie - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

I Wish I Had A Mai Tai

I was on patrol riding a Bantha through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life, due to the fact I was a little lost.


WHERE DID THESE GUYS GO?

My supplies were running low when the Bantha died. Now on foot, I desperately sought refuge from the heat, and, most importantly, a source for water.

Suddenly, I came across a Jawa vendor in the middle of the desert.


CHECK OUT MY SALE RACK

"Thank the force I found you!" I cried. "Please help me. I'm in dire need of some water."

"Well," said the Jawa, "I don't have any water. But would you like to buy one of these fine ties."

"What am I going to do with a tie?" I asked.

"That's what I'm selling sir. If you don't like it, I can't help you."

I left the Jawa and walked on for many more miles, hoping each minute that he would find refuge from the scorching sun.

Suddenly I spotted a Jawa restaurant in the distance.

Unable to comprehend a restaurant located in the middle of the desert, I assumed the place was a mirage, but decided to check it out anyway. A

As I approached the door, I was amazed to see the place actually existed.


WHO WOULD OPEN A RESTAURANT OUT HERE

The Jawa doorman stopped me before I entered.


DANG IT! A BOUNCER!

"Excuse me sir," the Jawa said, "But you can't come in here without a tie!"

"Riding" Betty

I had been station with a small unit on the dessert world of Tattoine. For 30 miles in any direction was nothing but sand and hot and more sand. As were we in the middle of the “Sandstorm” season, most of our vehicles were out of commission.

After about a month, we were assigned a new Republic Officer. He was some poor junior grade who must have pissed off someone up the chain of command to get this assignment.

It was my job to show him around and answer his questions.

“So Trooper,” the Officer inquired, “How do you do patrols without vehicles? You can’t go far on foot?”

“We have been given a group of Banthas, Sir” I see his confusion; someone didn’t do his home work. “A native animal of large size, which is accustomed to the heat and used by the locals as a primary mode of transportation.”


HEARD OF BANTHA? NO. YOU DID NOT DO YOUR HOMEWORK AS WELL I SEE.

The Officer nods and we continue the tour of the outpost. Towards the end I see the Officer is trying to work up the nerve to ask a question.

“Ummm, Trooper. What about …..errrr…. well …. Companionship?” the officer asks with hesitation.

“You mean sex, sir?” I reply

He turns a little red and nods his head.

“The Troopers have to take matter in to their own hands, so to speak. But the officer can use Betty.” I explain

“Oh, I see the base has a concubine. Very good.” The Officer smiles.

I laugh “No, Sir. Betty is one of the Banthas.”

“What?!?!?! …. That’s …. What?. Your dismissed trooper” The officer barks at me, turns and storms off to the officer quarters.

At the end of the officer's first week I am on late night guard duty, when I see the young officer walking across the compound carrying a ladder. He heads into the stable and come out 20 minutes later.

“Trooper,” he hails “You know what, that Betty is not half bad. It took a while to figure out how to … well you know, but that is what the ladder was for. I think I might have another go next week.” He gives me a thumbs up.

I look at him askance and say “What you like to do is up to you Sir, but most of the other officers ride Betty into town, go to the cantina and hit on the locals.”

Not that there is anything wrong with that ...

Once again I am performing guard duty at press conference, but not for Senator Ask Aak. Thank goodness for small favor! Apparently the ambassador from Naboo, Sio Bibble, is speaking about some kind of recent problem. I am hoping it is something cool like a new trade war on Naboo.

************************************************************************

Sio Bibble: I am glad you have all come here today so we can clear up some misconceptions about recent events …..


Coming Clean?

Reporter 1: You mean about you getting arrested and fined for hanging out in Men’s rooms at the Coruscant Space terminal?

Reporter 2: Yeah, because that is what we want to talk about! Is it true that you were attempting something torrid with the attending service droid?

Sio Bibble (turning a red): That is untrue! It just when drying my hands I happen to have a wide stance. I may have bumped the service droid with my foot.


Funny, he doesn’t look Dray

Reporter 1: But the report I read said you weren’t wearing any pants. What do you have to day about that?

Sio Bibble: Oh that. Well, when I bumped the service droid, it spilled soap all over my robes and I took them off to clean them in the sink. Simple enough. But back to my main point, I did nothing wrong.

Reporter 3: What about the rumors that you are Dray?

Sio Bibble (looking furtive): I am afraid I don’t know what Dray means. I am just a simple Ambassador from a small system. I don’t know the strange ways and words of Coruscant.

Reporter 3: Dray is someone who has an unnatural attraction to droids. And I find it hard to beleive that you don’t know what Dray means. You spend a lot of time, as Ambassador, traveling to various worlds. In fact you have travled to Coruscant at least 48 time in the last several years, with almost every visit coinciding with a with a visit to Droid factories.

Sio Bibble: Well….. ummmm….. errrr… I can explain that …..

Reporter 1: And what about this news report from 25 years ago, linking you to a Spice and Dray ring in the Naboo Senate.


OK, he looks a little Dray

Sio Bibble: Hey, No fair! No charges were ever brought. I was cleared of everything. The droids involved had their memories wiped …. I mean I never did anything wrong.

Reporter 2: What about reports that you have caught asking droids, and I quote, “Hey goldenrod, do you need a good polishing?”

Sio Bibble: Oh so now I am on trial for wanted to make sure droids are clean? Let me just say without any reservation that I am not Dray! I have never been Dray. I have been opposed to the Dray movement and will not speak any further on the subject!!!

Bibble storms off the stage as the reporter’s high-five each other over their good luck on a slow news day.

I am not the Paparizzi

Recently I heard a rumor that after Death or rejoining the force or whatever you want to call it, some powerful Jedi can materialize. It apparently is a way for them to pass their wisdom on to other, even after death.

I had a little bit of leave coming to me and decided to act as a “ghost” hunter. I would find places strong with the force and snap a few photos.

I found a place deep on a forest moon and was able to find not one, but three ethereal Jedi. Not only were they ok with me trying to take their picture, but they even posed for me. I took 4 pictures before they disappeared. The jungle was dark and I hoped my flash bulbs worked well.

Back home, I swung by the Jedi Temple to use their dark room and show the Jedi what I had done. General Kenobi and Master Skywalker were with me when I developed the photos.









I looked at the two Jedi “but honest, I had pictures of ghost Jedi, they even posed for me!”

General Kenobi patted me on the shoulder to comfort me and said “It looked like the spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."

TAGGED

Novy, (LINK) tagged me for this Meme....And the first thing you have to do is post the rules of it before you do anything else...So, here they are:

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.

2. You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


I don’t have a middle name, so I will go with TAK (short for TK 266)

T: Talkative. I am the chattiest clone you will ever meet. I am know as the chatty clone, the talkative trooper, the gossiping gunner, the communicative clone, the multiloquent military man, the gregarious guard …. You get the point.

A: Amusing. Some people find me and my writing amusing.

K: Killer. I have been know to mangle, murder and otherwise do damage to the English language. Some of my misspelling have been so horrendous, that English major have been know to fling themselves of high building in the hopes of crushing me with their bodies and stop me be for I kill some poor word.

I tag:

Henchy
JJ
And
DJK

Lives Hang In The Balance Sheet.

I stopped by my favorite Cantina on Tattoine, when I noticed JJ the Jawa sitting alone and drinking.


JJ LOOKING SAD. (I think)

I approached him and notice he looked down. "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My Uncle died three months ago," JJ said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," I replied.

"Then two months ago," JJ continued, "My grandfather died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two male relatives gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." I said, in commiseration.

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." JJ continued

"Three close family members lost in three months? I can see why you are sad." I replied

"Then this month," continued JJ, "absolutely nothing! So I am drinking to mourn the loss of income"



Jawas!!!

Pithy or Pissy?

Another Trooper and I were on a "hearts and minds" patrol on a planet in the Outer Rim. It was a peaceful mission, just to show the flag and show that the Republic cared about the Rim Scum.

We were surprised how much the local had worked to make the Grand Army of the Republic feel at home. They had even set up special restrooms for us, which is great.


Is it for Troopers only?

We were in the midst of using one of the facilities, when a Republic Naval officer came into the restroom. He stared at us for a moment and then barked, “ Trooper it is customary to salute a superior when they enter a room?”

We both turned and gave the WTF stare.


Thank Goodness he cannot see our faces.

We finish our business, give a sharp salute and went to leave the restroom.

“Trooper, In the Republic Navy we are taught to wash our hand after using the bathroom!” he said with a sneer.

“Yes, I know sir, but in the Grand Army of the Republic we were trained not to piss on our hands.” I replied with a nod as we walked out.

Of Farm Girls and Broken Hearts

I was having a drink in a local cantina frequented by Clone Troopers, when I spotted DL 156. I heard he had just returned from a mission on Dantooine, a farming world.

As he came over to have a drink with me, I noticed he looked a little down.

“What the matter? Why the hangdog look?” I asked

“I met a farm girl on Dantooine.” DL 156 replied, and then sighed.

“That sounds like good news. Did she not like you or spurn your advanced?” I inquired

“Not at all. She seemed great. We would go on long walks and just talk. Every spare minute I had in the last two months I spent with her. We were even talking of marriage after my tour was up.” DL 156 told me.

“Uh, you know our tours are never up? We were made for this job. But never mind all that, what happened to make you look so forlorn?”

“Well” DL 156 started, “On my way back to Coruscant, she sent me a holo message. She said our time together was great, but she was going to marry the local Tractor salesman. He would be able to give here a better life, she said.”

DL 156 shoulders slumped as he handed me the data pad.

I looked incredulously at DL 156 and said “So what you are telling me is you are sad because you got a John Deere letter?”



I Guess He Had More Pull

New Regulations and more of why I hate Pilots.

New Training Standards for the Grand Army of the Republic and the Republic Navy.

Coruscant - (CNN) In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:

HAIRCUTS:
Clone Troopers-heads will be shaved.
Corellian Marines-f lat-tops for all recruits.
Republic Navy- no haircut standard.
Republic Pilots-complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

TRAINING HOURS:
Clone Troopers-rise at 0500, train until 2000.
Corellian Marines-rise at 0600, train until 1900.
Republic Navy-rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch til 1300, train till 1600.
Republic Pilots-rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400, and training ceases at 1500.

MEALS:
Clone Troopers-Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
Corellian Marines-one hot meal, 2 MRE's.
Republic Navy-3 hot meals.
Republic Pilots-catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs, and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.

LEAVE and LIBERTY:
Clone Troopers-none.
Corellian Marines-4 hours a week.
Republic Navy-2 days a week.
Republic Pilots-for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.

PROTOCOL:
Clone Troopers-will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. Sgt Smith).
Corellian Marines-will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel Sarge.
Republic Navy-will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel as Chief.
Republic Pilots-all Republic Pilots personnel shall be on a first name basis with all other personnel.

DECORATIONS/AWARDS:
Clone Troopers-medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery.
Corellian Marines-medals and badges are awarded for every Laser fired, hand thermal detonator thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.
Republic Navy-will have ships engineers make medals for them as needed.
Republic Pilots-will be issued all medals as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers.

CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS:
Clone Troopers-work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations. (except in condition where wearing White Armor make you stand out more)
Corellian Marines-will wear it anytime, anywhere.
Republic Navy-will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to our officers.
Republic Pilots-will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and grey service chevrons and name tapes on them.

CAREER FIELDS:
Clone Troopers-all Clone Troopers shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
Corellian Marines-doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment.
Republic Navy-nobody knows. Republic Navy still trying figure out what all the SMC, BNC, BSN, and all the other ratings things are.
Republic Pilots-every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.

A Bad Tern Of Events

I was caught AWOL as I tried to sneak on board my ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied me and ordered me to stop.

Upon hearing my lame explanation for my tardiness, the officer yelled at me, "Take this broom and sweep every com-link on this ship by morning or it's the brig for you! It better be clean before we head into space"


Dirty Com-Links

I began to pick up the broom and commence performing his charge. As I began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle.

I yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. I picked the tern off the broom handle, and tossed it out of the hatch. The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle, and was once again tossed out the hatch.

All night long I went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. I couldn't get any cleaning done because he can only sweep at the com-link once or twice before the blasted bird returns.


A Tern For the Worst

When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on me.

"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This Com-links are no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, Trooper?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," I reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

I Like Political Reform

I have been assigned to another of Senator Aak Ask press conferences. Some days you just whish you could be being shot at by droids and Ewoks. *sigh*


*Senator Aak Ask approaches the podium*


Senator Aak Ask

“I have called this press conference today to discuss ethics and corruption reform in the Galactic Senate. As many of you know I have been a long time supporter of cleaning up the ethics problems in the Senate, and as such I have introduced ….”

A report from the Coruscant News Network (CNN) shouts out a question. “Senator, how can you say you have been a long time supporter of ethics reform when you have voted against every single reform measure in the past 20 years and have been under investigation at least 6 times for abuse of the budget program?”

Senator Aak Ask looks annoyed, but responds to the question. “I am glad you brought up the subject of hiding thins n the Senate Budget. Those items, known as Earmarks, have caused a lot of problems …”

“For the Senators!” one reporter say to raucous laughter.

The Senator look more annoyed, but continues, “The Earmarks have caused many problems when they have been exposed to the public, I have proposed in my legislation to get rid of Earmarks, once and for all.”

The Reporter from the Faux News Networks shots a quick startled questions to the Senator, “Do you mean to say that the Galactic Senate will no longer earmark funds, hidden in large budget bills, that give money to their family, friends and political supporters?”

“Goodness no man, My legislation is getting rid of the word Earmark and not give a name to what we do and work to hide it better. If you don’t know what we are doing, then you can’t whine and bitch about it. Any further questions?” Aak Ask smiled at the reporters.

The Press corps just stared back with stunned looks on their faces.

“Well then, we’ll call it a day then” said the Senator as he left the dais.